


Moving Forward

by Grinder1833



Series: Luke and Noah - Moving Forward Universe [1]
Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Angst, Closure, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-14
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 07:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/537162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinder1833/pseuds/Grinder1833
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's two months after Reid's death. Luke realizes that he needs to make some changes in his life. Namely, fixing himself before he can even consider trying again with Noah.</p><p>Meanwhile in LA, Noah is struggling to adjust to his life in California. He has the opportunity to live out his dream, but without Luke there to share it with him its lost most of its luster. Noah is struggling to write a script for his film when Lucinda calls to invite him to Oakdale for Thanksgiving. Noah knows better than to refuse Lucinda. After two and a half months apart Luke and Noah will come face to face again.</p><p>Will the boys be able to sort out the past and move forward?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They are the property of "As the World Turns" and P&G.
> 
> A/N: I’d like to thank escapes for the beta and her support and encouragement during the writing of this story. This was written for the 2012 Luke and Noah Big Bang.
> 
> A/N2: My intention with this story isn't to drudge up ill feelings about how the show ended. I wanted to try to right the wrongs done to Luke and Noah by the producers and writers of "As the World Turns." I hope that I was able to take some of the sting out of the last nine months of the show with this story. 
> 
> A/N3: This story shares the canon that I established in my "Missing Moments" universe. It takes place a few weeks after the last episode of "As the World Turns."

**_November 3, 2010_ **

 

 

Luke peered into his grandma’s refrigerator in search of something for lunch.  He was famished after spending the morning mucking out the stables—something he hadn’t done in a long time.  For some reason he woke up restless this morning.  It was almost as if he wasn’t comfortable in his own skin, but he couldn’t quite place why.  He decided to put his energy to good use doing barn chores at the farm.  Somehow he’d always managed to find peace in the barn with the horses.  Today wasn’t an exception.  Instead of thinking about his somewhat messed up life, he just worked. 

Hard.

Luke’s stomach rumbled so loudly that his mom probably heard it all the way at her house.  “Hang on,” he told his angry tummy. “I’m going to get you something really good to eat.” 

He spotted some leftover ham.  Piled next to it were some other cold cuts—salami, roast beef, and turkey.  Four different kinds of meat could make a damn good sandwich. 

A four meat sandwich. 

A smile played on his lips.   He remembered quite an interesting conversation that took place over a four meat sandwich—scenarios for a perfect first time to make love.  But their first time hadn’t been like anything they discussed that day at Java.  Luke wouldn’t have changed it for the world, though.  It had been perfect.

Now he was going to make the perfect sandwich for lunch.  He placed the meat on the island along with some mayonnaise and mustard.  Digging further into the refrigerator, he found Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, and even some of his grandma’s famous bread and butter pickles.  Luke hit pay dirt when he discovered a loaf of homemade sourdough bread on the counter.  This was going to be the mother of all sandwiches.  No one could make a sandwich as good as the one he was crafting…

Fuck.  Luke dropped the butter knife he was holding.  There was someone.

Well, there had been someone…

All of a sudden he wasn’t hungry anymore. 

Sandwiches were no longer all about four different kinds of meat and sexual innuendos.  Now they reminded Luke of what he'd lost.  Sandwiches had been one of Reid's passions.  He put such care into creating the perfect sandwich.  It was as intricate of a process as his brain surgeries.  Luke enjoyed watching Reid construct his masterpieces, which he ate with such reckless abandon.  Actually, he never met anyone who loved food as much as Reid had.  His grandma Emma would have loved his appetite.  Unfortunately, she never got to meet him. 

Food wasn't Reid’s only passion.  There was work, a good game of chess, and his snark.  Luke knew that he must have somehow fit into the scheme of things.  Maybe he hadn’t been at the top of Reid’s list, but he was there—somewhere.  

One thing Luke knew for sure was that he was there when Reid needed him.  And Reid had definitely needed him, which worked out perfectly because Luke liked to be able to help in times of need.  Noah hadn’t let him help, but Reid certainly had.  Reid let him assist with the malpractice suit in Texas, plan the new neuro wing at the hospital, and he even allowed Luke to try to mold a nicer, gentler Dr. Reid Oliver.

Suddenly Luke couldn’t even look at the food laid out before him.  Luke manically began to stuff it back inside of the refrigerator, not caring how he it put in there just as long as it was out of his sight.  That awful feeling was back—with a vengeance.  He needed air.  Now.

Grabbing his coat from the coat rack, Luke slipped it on, heading out the door when the calendar hanging on the side of the refrigerator caught his eye.  Today was November 3rd.

Two months.

Fuck.

Luke ran and didn’t stop until he reached the pond, which had always been one of his safe havens, but now it was one of Reid’s final resting places.  Maybe he shouldn’t have scattered some of Reid’s ashes here.  This place had no special meaning to Reid.  In fact, he had never seen it.  There hadn’t been time.

They hadn’t made time.

Reid hadn’t made time.

It was all so incredibly fucked up. 

Luke sank down to the ground, staring at the serenity of Snyder Pond.  He felt so incredibly alone.  He hadn’t felt this way since he was struggling with his sexuality.  The people he’d been closest to, besides his family, were all gone—Casey, Alison, Maddie, Reid, Noah... 

Noah.

Just thinking his name got Luke choked up.  This had been a special place for them—their first swim happened here on that hot August night, their first long walk after Luke regained use of his legs, the first blow job he had given Noah, and the Viking funeral they’d held to vanquish the Colonel so Noah could move on with his life. 

A wave of shame washed over him.  He shouldn’t be here thinking about Noah.  It was disrespectful to Reid, wasn’t it? 

Luke didn’t know. 

Actually, there were a lot of things that Luke was so uncertain about now.  Somehow he needed to find himself again.  The past year he’d been floundering—big time.  Fixing the election had sent him into a tailspin that he never really fully recovered from.  Since he was expelled from school he’d been drifting. 

Sure, he had the foundation, but while it was important to him it wasn’t his passion.  Writing had been his passion.  He hadn’t written since he was expelled from Oakdale University.  Well…until he couldn’t figure out how to deal with Reid’s death and Noah moving to LA.  It was either drown himself in a bottle of Vodka to numb the pain, or figure out a way to deal with it.  Luke chose the latter, picking up an old journal and just writing whatever came to mind—even if it didn’t make any sense.  By the time he put his pen down, he felt a little better, a bit calmer.  There was no mistaking the charge he felt as the words flowed onto the paper.  Luke loved that feeling.  He needed more of it.

A few days after that first purge onto paper, he sat down in front of his laptop.  This time he had a plan  for he was going to write.  Being on the hospital board and working so closely on the development of the Snyder Pavilion Neurology Center, he knew the ins and outs of the newest addition to Oakdale Memorial, as well as the man who whose brainchild it had been.  Luke used this information to write about it, wanting to give the new wing and the man who had been behind it its proper due. 

At first, Luke just wrote it for him.  But after rereading the finished product, he decided it was good—damn good.  He sent it to the Lifestyle editor at the Oakdale Times on a whim, thinking that the paper might just publish it.  A few days later he got the good news that they’d be running the story and Luke had money he’d earned from his own writing in his pocket to boot.  It was the first time in quite awhile that he felt like he’d really accomplished something.

Unfortunately, he hadn’t done much writing since.  His duties at the hospital were keeping him busy, which was a mixed blessing.  He liked being occupied, but Oakdale Memorial didn’t hold the best memories for him.

If he was honest, it wasn’t just the hospital. Lately everything in Oakdale felt like it was suffocating him.  Luke knew it was bad when he now couldn’t even seek solace at the farm.  He didn’t know what to do with this latest development, so he just started to cry—tears for what he’d lost, mistakes that were made, and words and actions he’d like to take back—you name it and he was probably crying over it.

Luke was so wrapped up in his misery that he didn’t hear Holden approach.  “Luke, I’ve been looking all over for you,” he said, crouching next to him.  “Mama said that I could find you in the barn mucking out the stalls.”

Luke wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Sorry.  I didn’t realize that anyone would be looking for me.”

“What’s wrong?” Holden asked, placing his hand on Luke’s shoulder.

What wasn’t wrong was more like it.  Luke didn’t even know where to begin—if he even should begin.  He didn’t want to dump over a year’s worth of problems on his dad, because his dad’s life hadn’t exactly been a walk in the park either—being presumed dead, finding his wife married to another man, which lead to a painful divorce, being suspected of murder, and a wedding to Molly that never came to fruition.   

“Nothing.”

Holden glanced from Luke to the pond and back again.  “You miss Reid.”

“I miss Noah,” Luke replied without really thinking about it.  After all this time, Noah was still the one who was nearest and dearest to his heart.  As soon as the words left his mouth, Luke felt like complete shit.  Noah was alive and presumably well in Los Angeles.  Reid was dead.  Shouldn’t he still be upset about it?

He was though.  Reid was important to him, but Noah had been Luke’s life.  Even when they weren’t together, Noah still consumed many of Luke’s thoughts, much to his chagrin.

“I miss Reid too,” Luke quietly admitted.  “I was just thinking about everything and got a little overwhelmed.”

“It’s understandable.  You’ve been through a lot.”

“Is it possible to love two people at the same time?”

“Yes, I loved your mother and Molly.  Your mother loved me and Damian.  It’s quite possible.”

“So it runs in the family,” Luke chuckled ruefully.

“You could say that.”

Luke stared down at his outstretched legs.  “I didn't say that I loved Reid until the day he got into the accident. Noah and I were having a fight and he asked me if I loved Reid.  I hadn’t really thought about it until that moment, but Noah was pushing me and I was so angry at him.” He drew a long, shuddering breath.  “Noah was going to be moving to LA and leaving me, so I told Noah that I loved Reid.  I wanted to hurt Noah—make him regret that he had let me go,” he said, unable to look at his dad.  He felt terrible for admitting it, but it was the truth.

“Did you love Reid?”

“Yes, but not the same way I loved Noah,” Luke admitted, daring to glance at his father, praying that he wouldn’t see disappointment in his eyes.  There wasn’t.  He just sat there quietly, allowing Luke to continue.  “Reid and Noah were nothing alike.  There were things I loved about Reid—his passion for his career, his ability to tell it like it was.  I was so incredibly flattered that someone as successful as Reid would want me.”

“So you loved him, but weren’t necessarily in love with him?”

Luke bit his lip.  “Looking back on it now, yeah, I don’t think I was necessarily ‘in love’ with him.  I was committed to him, though.  I wanted to make it work.”

“Did you ever tell Reid how you felt?”

Luke nodded.  “I told him that I loved him, but it wasn’t some grand declaration of love.  I said  it in a middle of an argument we were having.  Reid told me before he got in the car to get the heart for Chris.  I didn’t say it back.  The next time I said it he was dying,” he admitted, tears flowing down his cheeks.  “He deserved better.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself, Luke.  Love is tricky.  It’s not so cut and dried, as you’ve discovered.”

“No, it isn’t.”

 “Do you still love Noah?”

“I never stopped.” Luke sighed, burying his head in his hands.  “I think Reid knew this, deep down, but he still stuck with me. I don’t know if Reid and I would have lasted if..if…” A lump formed in Luke’s throat.  “I didn’t want him to die, Dad.  I _didn’t_.”

Holden gathered Luke into his arms, hugging him tightly.  Luke buried his face in the crook of his dad’s neck, sobbing like a child.  He wished he was a kid again.  Life was much simpler then.  At the very least he wished he could go back in time because he would do so many things differently.

Reid should never have been in Oakdale in the first place.  It was all Luke's fault. He blackmailed him into helping Noah.   But if hadn’t Noah would still be blind.  He didn't even want to think about that. Noah shouldn't have been blind in the first place—that was his fault too.  He'd been a colossal fuck up since he stole that damn election.  Luke would fix it all if he could.

“Of course you didn’t,” Holden soothed.  “You loved him.  I’m sure Reid felt it.”

Luke pulled away from him, sniffling and wiping his nose.  “Not in the way that he deserved to be loved.  I held back from him.  We never made love.  Reid wanted to, but I just couldn’t because it felt like I was betraying Noah.  Now they’re both gone and I’m all alone.”

“You’re not alone, Luke,” Holden told him.  “You are surrounded by your family that loves you very much.”

“I know, but all of my friends have moved away.”

“You could always go to Carbondale to visit Casey and Alison,” Holden suggested.  “Or out to LA to visit Noah.”

As tempting as it was to hop on a plane and show up at Noah’s doorstep, Luke knew he couldn’t do it.  Luke needed to get his shit together before seeing Noah again.  He had to figure out how to make himself feel whole again, instead of trying to rely on someone else to do the job.

“It’s too soon to see Noah.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“Texts mostly.  He’s busy planning a movie and I just don’t know what to say most of the time.”

“Give it time.”

Luke nodded.  Time was something he had.  And Noah said he’d wait.  But for how long?

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

After almost two months of living in Los Angeles, Noah was still adjusting to his new life, which seemed light years away from his life in Oakdale. Noah hadn’t lived alone since he rented the upper flat from Mrs. Betcher when he first arrived in Oakdale, which seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Noah rented a 525 square foot studio apartment that was one block from UCLA. The apartment came furnished, which was a huge plus since he had no furniture of his own. But the thing that sold Noah on this particular apartment was the fact that it was on Gayley Ave. It had to be kismet, right?

One of the first things he did was get a job at the local Starbucks within walking distance from his apartment. Although he had some money saved from the sale of his truck and a grant to finance his film, he knew the money would quickly disappear. Starbucks didn’t have the same cozy atmosphere of Java, but it paid enough to pay his rent and bills. It was probably a good thing they were so different, because it would have made him even more homesick than he already was. 

When Noah wasn’t being a barista extraordinaire, he sat at the small desk in the corner of his apartment staring at his laptop, desperately trying to craft a script for his film. He’d come up with an idea. He decided to put his knowledge about the military to good use. This time he wouldn’t be doing a documentary. Noah wanted to do a fictional account of a gay man who had been recently discharged from the Army. He had a title— _Don’t Ask_ , but little else. Noah was quickly reminded that he wasn’t a writer. That was Luke’s forte.

_Luke._

A lump formed in his throat when he thought about his ex-boyfriend. He glanced at the framed picture that decorated his desk. It was the picture Alison had taken of them snuggling on their bench in Old Town the day Noah had surprised Luke with an early return from Rome. He missed those two boys who were still hadn’t been jaded from a stolen election and a horrendous accident on a film set. When Luke had still had been his.

Noah pushed himself away from the desk, moving out onto the balcony to get some air. The view from his second floor apartment consisted of a parking lot, but he was happy to have a balcony to retreat to when he needed a breather. 

Noah still missed Luke terribly. They’d had some contact since his move, but it was as if they were almost polite acquaintances, not the lovers they had once been. Luke had sent him a card on his birthday, which he signed ‘love,’ but Noah wouldn’t allow himself to read too much into that Luke was in love with, and still mourning the loss of, Reid. Noah had a difficult time wrapping his head around that fact that Luke had fallen in love with Noah’s doctor. The very same man who had concocted crazy rules to keep them apart because Dr. Oliver couldn’t stand Noah’s boyfriend, or so Dr. Oliver had claimed. Noah was still trying hard to let go of the bitterness he felt. Reid was dead. Ultimately he had restored Noah’s eyesight, allowing him the chance to become a film director. Noah just hadn’t realized the price it would come at.

Noah continued to be haunted by the mistakes he’d made after the accident. All Luke wanted to do was take care of him, but Noah had pushed him away. Never did he fathom that Luke would give him the independence he kept declaring that he needed. And he never dreamed that Luke would fall in love with someone else so quickly. 

When Noah saw Luke kissing Reid, his world shattered. Even though he and Luke were no longer together, he felt betrayed. They went to Yo’s to ‘celebrate’ Noah’s release from the hospital. Noah waited, hoping that Luke would be honest with him and tell him about whatever was going on between him and Reid. 

Luke did no such thing. Instead, he told Noah how much he wanted to get back together. Noah refused to sit there listening to Luke’s lies so he dropped the bomb. He could see. More precisely, he saw Luke and Reid kissing. Luke quickly began to backpedal and attempt to do damage control…

 

_“Noah, I don’t love Reid. I love you.”_

_“Did you sleep with him?” Noah asked, unable to face at Luke. He didn’t want to see the look on Luke’s face when he admitted to the unthinkable._

_“No!”_

_Of course, Luke would deny it. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time Luke has lied to him. He’s probably been lying since the breakup. Luke had gone to Dallas with Reid to help him with his malpractice suit. Noah could only imagine how Luke was helping the good doctor. “Luke, tell me the truth. You owe me that much. When you were in Texas together for his lawsuit?”_

_Luke vehemently shook his head. “No, not then. Not after.”_

_“Yet?”_

_“Ever!” Luke was exasperated. “Noah, please try to understand. You were pushing me away so much. And, yeah, I was really hurt. I was really confused. I was very, very angry with you.”_

_“Reid was there, right?”_

_“Forget about him. It hasn’t gone anywhere.”_

_Noah knew what he saw—Luke was kissing Reid, which had to mean something. “But you admit that you’re attracted to him.”_

_“Yes, but—”_

_“I feel like such an idiot!” Ever since the surgery Noah had been under the assumption that he and Luke would get back together. He cringed, thinking about how stupid he must have looked._

_“Noah, don’t…”_

_“I should have pieced this together before, but maybe I was in denial. Or **blind**? You know, I could use that as an excuse.”_

_“Noah, we can get back what we had,” Luke insisted. “I know we can.”_

_“Do you really think so?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Because I don’t. Look, I’m not going to be your safe choice or your fallback guy,” Noah said while Luke sat there shaking his head, begging Noah to believe him. “You feel guilty? Good, because you should.” Noah stood up and grabbed his jacket. He’d heard enough. He was done. Luke could no longer be trusted._

_“Noah, Noah.” Luke rushed to his feet. “Please don’t go,” he begged._

_“We’re finished, Luke. We’re done.”_

 

It didn’t matter that Luke had declared his love to Noah that afternoon at Yo’s, assuring him that there was nothing going on with Reid. Noah didn’t want to hear it. His trust was gone. Luke had insisted that he still wanted to be with Noah, but all Noah could see was that awful kiss. So he let Luke go and Luke ended up with Reid.

Noah had spent the following months regretting his decision, but it was too late. Luke had moved on. The thought of Luke and Reid together crushed him. The looks that had once been reserved for Noah were bestowed on another. Sometimes at night Noah would wonder if Luke was in bed with Reid. 

Was Reid a better lover? Did Reid discover how much Luke enjoyed to be rimmed? Did Luke steal the covers when they were together? Did Luke’s family prefer Reid? Had they swum in Snyder Pond? 

Noah learned the answers to some of these questions after Reid died, shedding a little light on Luke’s relationship with Reid. When he’d found Luke at the pond after Reid’s death, he didn’t expect to hear about all of the things Luke and Reid hadn’t done, which included making love. To say that Noah was shocked by Luke’s confession would have been an understatement. He was downright floored. Noah had pictured Luke and Reid going out on all kinds of dates, doing the things that he’d loved to do with Luke. He’d just assumed that Luke and Reid had made love—a lot. Noah had been so fucking relieved to learn otherwise.

Noah still felt terrible for being happy that Luke hadn’t had sex with Reid, especially given the grief that Luke was going through. Noah wondered if Luke and Reid had been as serious as Luke had led him to believe. It was a moot point now.

Regardless, Noah never wanted the man dead. He hated to see Luke in so much pain and wished there was something he could have done to help him. Noah would have given up LA for Luke, but Luke wouldn’t let him. Maybe he shouldn’t have listened to Luke and stayed in Oakdale.

Noah forced himself to return inside to work on his non-existent script. The damn thing wasn’t going to write itself. He was supposed to being using his day off work to make some headway. Noah plopped down into the desk chair, staring at the blank Word document. 

_Write from the heart. That’s what Luke would do._

Noah was tempted to call Luke to ask him for some advice. He missed Luke’s friendship. Countless times after the breakup, Noah had reached for his phone to call Luke, but he always stopped himself from dialing. At first it was because Noah wanted his independence. When Luke was with Reid, it had been too painful. Now Noah wasn’t quite sure how much Luke was ready for—if anything. They’d parted as friends. Noah promised he’d wait for Luke. He meant it. He was prepared to wait for as long as it took Luke to heal, so Noah was giving him the space he needed. Noah prayed that when Luke was ready he would want to try give rebuild their relationship.

Luke didn’t need to deal with Noah’s insignificant problems. He was busy—with the hospital, the foundation, and hopefully writing. Noah was thrilled to see that Luke had an article in the _Oakdale Times_. Reading it gave him a glimpse at the boy Noah had fallen in love with—so talented, so sure of himself. He was so damn proud of Luke. It would have been so easy to call Luke to tell him so.

But he didn’t.

Noah had come up with a million excuses as to why it would be a bad idea. It always came back to “if Luke wanted you to know about the article, he would have told you.” The reality was that Noah was afraid that Luke might reject him—again. His heart wouldn’t be able to take it.

“Stop thinking about Luke. You need to write,” Noah muttered. 

He forced himself to start typing—just get anything down. It could be fixed later. Hopefully. Noah wasn’t so sure when he read through the stilted dialogue he had written. But he had two pages of his script roughed out. Since the dialogue wasn’t flowing, Noah decided to outline the story and try to come up with shooting locations. 

Noah’s cell phone rang before he could get too in-depth with his research. He was surprised to see that it was Lucinda Walsh calling. The temptation to allow the call to go to voicemail was beckoning, but Noah knew better than to try to put off Lucinda. 

Noah picked up the phone. “Hello.”

“Darling, it’s so good to hear your voice. It’s Lucinda here.”

Noah had to smile. It was amusing that she felt the need to announce herself—like he’d ever forget her grand voice. “It’s nice to hear your voice as well. Are you in the states or still abroad?” In one of Luke’s brief e-mails he’d mentioned that Lucinda and Dr. John Dixon had jetted off to Amsterdam to renew their love for each other. Noah was thrilled to learn that Lucinda had found love again. 

“Yes, I am. John and I wanted to be close to family for the holidays.”

Thanksgiving was three weeks away—a fact that Noah had managed to forget. The past two Thanksgivings hadn’t been the best. During one he was estranged from Luke and the other he had been blind. 

“I’m sure they’re happy that you’ll be around.”

Lucinda let out one of her loud, boisterous laughs. “From your mouth to God’s ears! Lily and I have managed to stay civil toward one another. I think Holden and Luke are helping out on that front. Bless their hearts.”

“How is Luke doing?” 

“Don’t you talk to him?”

“We text every now and then, but it's never about much,” Noah hedged.

“You should call him.” 

If only it were that simple. Since the day Noah met Luke nothing has ever been _simple_. “I don't know what to say to him. He can call me if he really wants to talk.”  
“Did you ever think that he might not know what to say either?” Lucinda countered, not about to let Noah off the hook easily. 

Actually, Noah hadn’t considered it. And now he felt silly. There was a chance that Luke didn’t know how to take the next step either. Noah had just assumed that Luke’s sporadic contact was due to his grief over Reid. “No, I didn’t,” he admitted.

“Luke was devastated when he broke up with you. I held him as he sobbed in my arms because he was so distraught. He only did it because he felt he didn’t have any other choice. You wanted your independence, but Luke felt he couldn’t put his love for you on hold and just be your friend. It was an impossible situation for both of you.”

“I felt like Luke had all of these expectations of me—that I could still be the old Noah from before the accident. I needed to try to figure out how I was going to live with the curveball I had been thrown without being smothered by him in the process.”

“Darling, I’m not placing blame on you,” Lucinda said. “I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it was for you. Luke shouldn’t have pushed so hard, but he gets it from my side of the family. It’s the Walsh way.”

“It’s one of the things I love about him.”

“Love?” Lucinda perked up. 

“Yes, present tense.” Noah chuckled. “I never stopped.”

“You really need to speak to him.”

“It’s not that easy.”

Lucinda sighed dramatically. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you two. You will have to talk to him when you come home for Thanksgiving.”

Noah didn’t have plans to return to Oakdale for Thanksgiving. He figured he’d spend the holiday by ordering a pizza and try to work on his script. “I wasn’t—”

“Yes, you are. You will be coming home for Thanksgiving,” Lucinda declared. “I will send my jet for you.”

Home. 

Yes, Oakdale would always be his home no matter where he lived. And even though he hadn’t planned on spending Thanksgiving there, Lucinda’s offer was too tempting to pass up. Not to mention, that one just didn’t refuse an offer from Lucinda. “I’d love to spend Thanksgiving with the family, but there’s no need to send the jet. I can fly commercial.”

“Fine,” Lucinda relented, “you can fly commercial, but it will be first class. I will not have one of my boys cramped in coach.”

“I appreciate it.”

“You need to tell Luke that you’ll be home for Thanksgiving. He’ll be thrilled.”

Noah wanted to believe that Luke would be happy about his visit. “I hope so.”

“Well, I know so!” 

“Is he doing okay?” 

“Luke is doing pretty well all things considered,” Lucinda said. “He’s a fighter. He will get through this. I think he’s been healing a bit every day.”  
“I’m glad. I just want him to be happy.”

“Darling, you both deserve to be happy. Take it from an old woman like me who has made more than her fair share of mistakes. If you love Luke as much as I think you do, you won’t give up on him. Don’t let pride or fear stand in your way because neither will keep you warm at night.”

Lucinda was never afraid to give him a swift, but loving, kick in the ass. She was a wise lady. Noah was thankful to have her in his corner. Growing up, Noah had dreamed of having his very own Auntie Mame—a crazy woman who enjoyed life to the nth degree that would swoop in, whisk him away, love, and take care of him. Lucinda always did her best to take care of her family—whether they wanted her help or not. Noah certainly wanted it in this case.

“I don’t plan on giving up on him,” Noah said, gazing at the picture of him and Luke. “I told him that I would wait and I meant it.” He’d wait for as long as it took to be able to hold Luke in his arms again, feel Luke’s breath against his cheek, and to hear Luke tell him that he still loved him. Noah desperately hoped he’d hear those words again.

“Good,” her voice was triumphant. “I’ll have one of my people send you the flight details. I expect to see you at Thanksgiving—no excuses.”

“I’ll be there. I promise.” Noah hung up the phone and set it down on the desk, staring at it. Maybe he should just call Luke right now to tell him about his upcoming visit. He could always ask for a pointer or two as far as his script was concerned. 

Before he could place the call, his phone rang. At first he thought it just might be Luke, as if just thinking about him would prompt a phone call. But it wasn’t. It was Julia, his manager from Starbucks. She only called him when she needed him to either come in early or pick up an extra shift. 

Noah picked up the phone. “Hello.”

“Hi, Noah, I was hoping that you could do a favor for me,” Julia said sweetly. “Todd called off for his shift. Is there any possible way you could come in and cover it? I would be forever grateful.”

“Sure, no problem.” 

“Can you come right away? We’re slammed.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

So much for his day off. His script and Luke would just have to wait. Another day or two wouldn’t make much difference.


	3. Chapter 3

Luke knew he was making the right decision. Actually, this was something he should have done months ago. Oakdale Memorial was no place for him, especially as a member of the hospital board. Luke had accomplished what he needed to—Noah had his eyesight back and the neurology wing was up and running, even if Reid never got to see the finished product. 

Coming to the hospital for work every day was a chore. He had to force himself to pay attention as the other members battled over budgets and hospital politics—two things he cared little about. Luke decided it was best to resign his position on the board, a position he really had no business holding in the first place. He was only given the seat on the board because his name was Snyder and the sizable donation that The Luke Snyder Foundation had made toward the construction of the new wing.

Luke _hated_ hospitals. Oakdale Memorial held so many awful memories. It was here where he’d nearly died waiting for a kidney transplant, his mom had spent months in a coma, he learned he may never walk again, and his grandmother battled cancer. Noah nearly died—twice—in this hospital. 

Taking a deep breath, Luke knocked on the door to Dr. Susan Stewart’s office, one of the interim Chiefs of Staff. Dr. Stewart greeted him when he entered. Luke shook her hand and sat down in the leather chair across the desk from her.

“Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, Dr. Stewart.”

“What’s on your mind, Luke?”

Luke folded his hands on his lap. “I’m resigning my seat on the hospital board, effective immediately.”

Dr. Stewart frowned. “I’m sorry to hear that. Are you absolutely certain about your decision?”

“Yes, I’m not qualified to be on the board,” he admitted. “I strong-armed my way onto it using the donation my foundation made as leverage. I wanted to make sure the neuro wing would be built so that Reid would stick around to do Noah’s surgery.” Luke glanced down at his lap. “I’m not proud of my actions.”

“You wanted to help someone you love.”

Luke wondered if she was referring to Noah or Reid. He started out on the board because of Noah, wanting to make sure that he regained his eyesight. Luke stayed on it as a way to be close to Reid since the doctor practically lived at the hospital.

Luke swallowed. “I did.”

“I appreciate your honesty and accept your resignation.”

Luke stood. “Thank you. I’m sorry about the short notice. If you’d like me to stay on until you find a replacement, I can but I—”

Dr. Stewart held up her hand. “Don’t worry. The board will be fine until we can fill your seat. There’s no need for you to stay.”

Luke flashed her a grateful smile. “Thank you. I appreciate it.” He extended his hand which she firmly shook.

“Good luck with whatever you choose to do, Luke. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Luke had a pretty good idea of what he wanted. Now he just needed to go about obtaining it.

********

Luke drove from Oakdale Memorial over to the WorldWide building, which still housed the office for The Luke Snyder Foundation. His mom was still the director of the foundation, but recently she has started splitting her time between running the foundation and WorldWide. Both were keeping her quite busy.

Lily was on the phone when Luke slipped into the office. She held up a finger as she wrapped up her phone call. Luke sat down and waited for her to finish. “Thank you. We appreciate your donation. I can assure you that it will be put to good use.” Lily hung up the phone. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” she greeted him.

“I was just at the hospital. I quit my job there.”

Lily’s eyes widened. “You did what? Why? I thought you liked working at the hospital.”

Luke wasn’t surprised by his mother’s response. Sometimes she tended to only see what she wanted to see because it made life easier. Lily really had no idea of just how lost he’s been. No one did.

Well, maybe Noah.

“I’m not cut out for business.” Luke sighed. “I think my track record speaks for itself—the foundation, Grimaldi Shipping.”

“Damian never would have put you in charge of Grimaldi Shipping if he didn’t think you were capable of running the company,” Lily declared.

Grimaldi Shipping had been a disaster of near epic proportions. Luke had no business working there, much less running the company when Damian had decided to go on the lam. Most of the employees had merely tolerated Luke because he was the boss’s son. They certainly didn’t respect him—not that he deserved it. He had only secured his position because of his bloodline, which was painfully obvious.

“He only gave me a job there because I’m his son,” Luke pointed out. “I certainly wasn’t qualified to run the company. The best thing I did was put the CFO in charge when Damian went to jail. I wasn’t cut out for corporate life.” He actually didn’t care what happened to Grimaldi Shipping, but for the sake of the employees Luke put someone qualified in charge and then washed his hands of the company. 

Lily frowned. “I still think you’re selling yourself short. You’ve helped a lot of people through the foundation.”

It was true that The Luke Snyder Foundation had done a lot of good, especially after Luke figured out what the hell its purpose was after floundering for a bit. In the beginning the foundation was all over the place—helping sick kids, supporting a defunct gay film festival. Luke finally decided the foundation’s mission should be LGBT causes. He had picked a few to focus on—marriage equality, discrimination, and bullying. Other than that, he really hadn’t been personally involved in quite some time.

Luke was happy that he was able to help make a difference, especially since he started the foundation as a big “fuck you” to Damian. He thought taking the obscene amount of money Damian had sent to him a couple of years ago and using it for charity would make his bio dad crazy. That was his primary goal—helping people had been a nice bonus. Ultimately Damian was proud of what Luke had done with money and even helped in a charitable cause or two. And Luke was happy the Grimaldi money could be used for good instead of evil. 

“The foundation has been successful, but it wasn’t because of me. You have been a big part of it and so has Grandmother. Basically I’ve come and gone as I pleased, which hasn’t been fair to you. I know you’d rather be focusing on running WorldWide.”

“You’ve had a lot on your plate, Luke.” She was always good at making excuses for him, which embarrassed Luke that she still felt the need to do it. 

“I’m twenty-two years old. My family shouldn’t have to keep cleaning up my messes.” Luke leaned forward, resting his hands on the desk. “Here you are running my foundation because I can’t be bothered with it.”

“I don’t mind.”

“But this isn’t your passion. You’d rather be focusing on WorldWide, the kids—Dad.”

His parents had recently begun to date again. Luke didn’t know too many of the particulars except that they were taking it slow this time. He was grateful they hadn’t given up on each other. It gave him hope for his own future.

Lily blushed. “I’ve been managing to juggle all of them, thank you very much.”

“I think it’s time to hire someone to run the foundation so we can both pursue the things we are passionate about.”

“I think that’s a good idea. I’d like to be part of the interview process.”

“Just as long as Grandmother isn’t this time. Her last candidate didn’t work out too well.”

Lily laughed. “No, he didn’t. We certainly don’t need another Brian Wheatley situation on our hands.”

Luke grinned. “I’m glad we agree.”

“I’ll contact some recruiters to send over some resumes, which we’ll both go over,” Lily said, scribbling down a couple of notes on the legal pad in front of her. 

Luke stood up. “I’ll make sure that I’m available whenever you need me. Thank you for your help.”

“What are you going to do now? You no longer work at the hospital; you don’t want to work here or at Grimaldi Shipping. You need to do something, Luke.”

“I have a plan.”

“Care to enlighten me?”

“I will—once everything is in place,” Luke promised. There was one more person he needed to talk to. His grandmother had never let him down. Hopefully, she’d agree with his request.

********

“You want to what?” Lucinda stared at Luke as if he’d just announced he was planning on flying to the moon.

When Luke had arrived at his grandmother’s mansion, there was tea waiting for them in the library, which had always been his favorite room there. He loved looking at all of the beautiful leather bound books that lined the dark mahogany walls. He waited until they were snug in front of the roaring fire before he sprang his simple request on her. 

“The guest cottage has been vacant for quite awhile. I thought you might like a tenant again.”

Lucinda peered over her teacup. “I would love to have you live there, but I’m surprised you would want to, given its history.”

Luke hadn’t been certain he would either. After all, it was the place Noah had once lived with his _wife_. But Luke had come to terms with Noah’s brief marriage thanks to one last knockdown, drag down fight he’d had with Noah when they moved into their apartment last summer. 

Luke picked up a shortbread cookie from the small china plate on the coffee table. “I think it’s time to move out and get a place of my own. I’ve never lived by myself. Doing so might help me find myself, figure out what I want to do with my life. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I resigned from the hospital board.” His grandmother’s boyfriend was Dr. John Dixon, who was serving as interim Chief of Staff with Dr. Stewart. Chances were the news had already traveled to his grandmother.

“Yes, I have heard,” she replied, her tone neutral. “I can’t say that I’m surprised. I never thought the position suited you.”

“You always knew me best.”

“I wouldn’t say that _I_ necessarily know you best, but I can usually get a good read.”

“Can I live at the cottage?” Luke asked, taking a bite of the cookie and ignoring Lucinda’s not so subtle way of bringing up Noah. He wasn’t ready for that yet.

“If that’s what you really want.”

“I do. This way I can still be close to family, but have my own space.”

“Are you absolutely certain that you’re ready to live by yourself? There’s no shame in leaning on your family during a rough time.”

Luke nodded. “Yes, I am. And I think I’ve been leaning on my family a bit too much for too long. It’s time for me to rely on myself.” 

Lucinda smiled warmly. “You have been lost, my dear sweet boy, but I know you have the power to find your way again.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Don’t you know? I’m always right!” Lucinda laughed.

“I think there are some people who might disagree.”

“Touché.” 

“So it’s settled then? I can be your newest tenant? I can pay rent. Just tell me how much.”

Lucinda waved her hand dismissively. “I’m not worried about the finances. We’ll work something out. When would you like to move in?”

“As soon as possible.”

“I’m afraid the place is no longer furnished.”

“I have furniture.” It was the stuff from his apartment with Noah. Luke wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of using that furniture because of all of the memories, but it was all he had, so he’d make do. 

“The cottage needs a good cleaning.”

Luke set down the teacup. “I can clean it.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” she huffed. “I’ll have a service come out to clean it tomorrow. It will give you time to pack.”

Luke stood up and strode over to his grandmother. “I knew I could count on you, Grandmother. Thank you.” He placed a kiss on her cheek. 

She smiled up at him. “You’ll find what you’re looking for, my dear. I’m quite certain of it.”

Luke wanted to believe her with all of his heart and soul.

********

Luke’s parents were having coffee in the family room when he returned home from his visit with his grandmother. They were laughing as he slipped in unnoticed, which made him smile. Every time he saw them together enjoying each other’s company, Luke was hopeful that they might finally get back together for good. If his parents were able to put their differences behind them and move forward, Luke held out hope that he might be able to achieve the same.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt,” Luke said, slipping out of his coat.

His mom smiled at him. “Come in and join us. There’s coffee in the kitchen if you’d like a cup.”

“Actually, I just had tea with grandmother.” Luke flopped into the armchair.

“Is she doing well?” Lily asked with the slightest hint of caution in her voice.

“Yes, she’s doing fabulous,” Luke said. “We had a good talk while I was there.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Did it have anything to do with your plan?”

“I’m interested in hearing about this plan if you’d like to share,” Holden added. “Your mother told me about the changes you’ve made—quitting the hospital and wanting to hire someone to run the foundation so she can focus on WorldWide. I think it’s a good idea just as long as you get a job, because you need to do something, Luke. I don’t want you to sit around here feeling sorry for yourself.”

Luke reigned in his urge to go on the defensive. His father had a valid point since that was precisely what Luke had done after he was expelled from Oakdale University. He took a deep breath before pushing forward. “Don’t worry. I plan on doing something.”

“Do you have another job?”

Luke sighed. “Not yet.”

“Luke,” Holden began in his most parental tone.

“I’m moving out,” Luke blurted out, which obviously shocked his parents judging from the bewildered looks on their faces. “I talked to Grandmother and she’s going to let me move into the cottage.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Lily said. “You shouldn’t be alone right now. You need your family to support you during this difficult time.”

Holden placed his hand on Lily’s leg. “Actually, I think it’s a good idea. Luke needs his independence.”

“But he’s still grieving.”

“Mom, it’s time for me to move on with my life.” Luke leaned forward in the armchair. “I need to start living it for me for a change.”

“He’s right, Lily,” Holden said, turning to her. “Luke needs to find himself. And just because he won’t be living under your roof anymore doesn’t mean you can’t be there for him when he needs it. We both can.”

“I just want you guys to be proud of me again. I’ve messed so many things up.” Luke swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. “I probably should have gone back to school last summer when I had the chance. Maybe things would have worked out differently.”

“You can’t dwell on the past,” Holden told him. “All you can do is learn from your mistakes and move forward.”

“I will,” Luke promised.

Even if things didn’t work out the way he hoped they would, Luke intended on coming out of this awful experience as a stronger, more independent young man. 

“You won’t have too much packing to do since almost everything from your old apartment is still down in the basement,” Lily said.

Luke stood up. “I still have my room to pack, that is if I can—”

Lily laughed. “Yes, you can take your bedroom furniture—again.”

“Thank you both for being so understanding.” Luke hugged each of his parents. “I think I better get started. Do we have any boxes?”

“I think there might be a few in the basement,” Lily said.

“I can get them for you,” Holden said, rising to his feet. “Go get a move on. I know how you like to procrastinate.”

“Okay…okay…I can take a hint.” Luke chuckled. He dashed upstairs so he could take inventory of what needed to be boxed up for the move. For the first time in quite awhile he felt optimistic about his future. 

Luke decided to start with his nightstand. There with still a half used tube of lube that Luke had kept, hoping that Noah would forgive him and want him again. And then he thought maybe with Reid, but he could never bring himself to pull the trigger on that one. Luke had to chuckle at the thought of Damian possibly sifting through theses drawers when he packed up Luke and Noah’s apartment after the accident. He certainly would have seen an eyeful if he had, besides the lube there had been sex toys, which Luke had packed away after the breakup. 

Reaching deeper into the drawer, Luke felt a piece of paper that seemed to be hung up in the back. He had no idea what it could be. Luke carefully extracted it from the drawer without tearing it. Unfolding it, he was met with Noah’s familiar scrawl. 

 

_Dear Luke,_

_If you followed my directions and didn’t read this last night, then it’s the first day of 2009. We spent our first night together and I’m lying in bed with you, watching you read this. Knowing me, I’m betting I didn’t say everything you needed to hear last night. You’ve always better with words than me. But I want to thank you, Luke, for being my love, for being my future. Happy New Year._

 

Tears were streaming down his cheeks by the time he finished the letter. Luke had made a horrible mistake that night, not believing in Noah or their commitment to each other. He would have thought he would have learned from it, but he hadn’t. This only proved that he was a first class fuck up.

“I found some boxes,” Holden said, marching into the room with a stack of empty cardboard boxes.

Luke folded the letter. “Great,” he sniffed.

Holden set the boxes on the floor. “What is it?”

“Am I ever going to stop hurting the people I love? You’d think I’d learn from my mistakes, but I just keep making bigger ones. Maybe I deserve to be alone.”

Holden sat next to Luke on the bed. “Luke, you’re not making any sense.”

Wordlessly, Luke handed him the letter. He didn’t care if his father read about the intimate evening Noah had planned for them. 

“This was when you and Brian—”

“Yeah. I jumped to conclusions, assuming the worst when it came to Noah, and decided that I needed to feel desired so I kissed my step grandfather,” Luke quietly admitted. “Pretty messed up. I wish I could say that it was the only time I didn’t give Noah the benefit of the doubt and didn’t trash our relationship because of it.”

Holden put his arm around Luke. “If I remember correctly, Noah forgave you and you got back together.”

“Until I ruined his life.”

“The accident with the fireworks wasn’t your fault.”

“Noah didn’t agree.”

“I don’t think he ever really blamed you.”

“Regardless, none of it would have happened if I had just trusted him, but I had to go batshit crazy thinking that Mason was going to take him away from me.” Luke wiped his eyes as the tears continued to flow. “Noah never gave me reason not to trust him. _Never_. But I always lost faith and did something stupid that ended up tearing us apart.”

“You’re not the only one who has made one boneheaded mistake after another. I’ve made huge mistakes that I’d give anything to take back—the affair with Carly, not fighting for your mom when I came back from the dead—and many more. You’re still so young. And you’ll probably make more bad decisions in your life, but I think this move is going to help you get the old Luke back.”

Luke glanced at his father. “So you’ve noticed that he’s been lost too?” 

“Yeah, but I figured he wouldn’t stay lost for too long.”

Luke hugged his father. “I’m glad you never gave up on me.”

********

The cottage was slowly taking shape. All of the furniture had been delivered as well as the new HD TV Luke had picked out to replace the old one that Noah had taken to California with him. The cottage felt a little empty without Noah’s movie posters, so Luke decorated with pictures of his family and a couple of Edward Hopper prints he found at a frame shop on the outskirts of town. Lucinda had given him a couple of vases full of fresh flowers to brighten the place up. His mom’s parting gift was a box full of cleaning supplies to keep his new digs spic and span. His dad and Grandma had made sure that his refrigerator and freezer held an assortment of food so he wouldn’t starve. Everyone did their part to make sure that he would be off to a good start in his new place.

Luke loved his family dearly, but he was happy to have them a bit further away. He needed the breathing room. He hadn’t even been officially moved out for twenty-four hours and he was all ready feeling a sense of accomplishment. However, Luke knew that he still needed to find a job. Sitting around and feeling sorry for himself was no longer an option.

Luke wandered into the bedroom where there were a couple of boxes sitting on the bed. He’d saved the most difficult boxes for last. Shoving them in his closet was an option, but it would also be the easy way out—the coward’s way. Choosing that path had gotten him in a load of trouble in the past. Luke needed to face all of the memories that were stored in those boxes.

Inside the first box was a shoebox which contained the program from the opening of the neuro wing, a chess piece, and Reid’s stethoscope. Luke held the stethoscope for a moment, remembering the sound of Reid’s heart beating in Chris Hughes’s chest. It was comforting to be reassured that Reid’s death hadn’t been a complete waste—other people had gotten a chance to live better lives because of it. Luke placed stethoscope along with the other two items on the mattress. He was about to put the items back into the shoebox for safe keeping when he was struck with a better idea. Reid’s stethoscope should be donated to the hospital to be put on display in the neuro wing with the plaque that commemorated Reid. 

Luke turned over the black knight chess piece in his hand. Reid was unbeatable in chess thanks to his Uncle Angus. Luke never came close to winning a game against him. Sending Luke the piece had been a thoughtful gesture, but it really belonged with his uncle who had taught him the game of chess. He hoped that Angus wouldn’t be offended to get it back along with another reminder of his nephew—the program from the neuro wing gala.

Luke found a piece of stationary in one of his nightstand drawers and gathered the items he was going to send to Reid’s uncle and took them into the other room. He sat down at the table so he could write a note to go with the items.

 

_Dear Mr. Oliver,_

_I wanted to be sure that this knight belonged with the right person, which is you. I understand that years ago you had a falling out with Reid, but you helped him mold the man he became. You should be proud of him. He was a talented surgeon, who had a vision of an incredible neurology wing which recently opened at Oakdale Memorial. I enclosed a brochure from the event so you could see what he helped create. Reid’s last wish was to make sure that all of his organs were donated. So many people were helped by him until the very end. Reid did good. Please remember that. When you see this knight you can now be reminded how Reid succeeded._

_Sincerely,  
Luke Snyder_

 

Luke put the items with the note so he could take them to the post office later. He blew out a deep, calming breath. This was the right thing to do. 

Just as Luke was about to return to the bedroom to finish unpacking, his cell phone rang. The phone number on the display wasn’t familiar, but it was an Oakdale area code so he answered it.

“Hello.”

“Is this Luke Snyder?”

“Yes, it is. May I ask who is calling?”

“This is Elsa Jones from the _Oakdale Times_. I was hoping that you could help us out,” she told him. “We’re in a pinch. One of our Arts and Entertainment writers had a family emergency so she had to leave town unexpectedly and won’t be able to do a theater review for our weekend edition. Would you be willing to step in and do the review? You wrote such a lovely piece on the new hospital wing opening.”

Luke didn’t care if the job entailed him writing about a bunch of people reading from the phone book. It was another paid writing job. “I’d be happy to help.”

“I’m so glad. It’s the _The King and I_ , which is being put on by the Oakdale Players at the Oakdale Community Theater,” Elsa explained at a rapid fire pace. “The opening performance is this Friday night. We’d like to run the article in the Sunday edition. You can pick up your ticket at will call.”

Luke was quite familiar with _The King and I_. It was one of the many movies he’d watched with Noah. Luke remembered rolling his eyes when Noah had suggested it, but like a lot of the films Noah chose, he ended up loving it. Noah had been full of tidbits during it—how the female lead Deborah Kerr would go on to star in the classic love story _An Affair to Remember_ which was constantly referenced in another movie. 

_Oh what movie was it? Sleeping in Sydney? No…that wasn’t it._ Luke was certain the title had the word “sleep” and some city’s name. _What the hell was it? Ah! “Sleepless in Seattle.”_ Luke grinned quite proud that he had figured it out without having to consult IMDB. Noah would be so pleased that Luke had actually remembered some of the trivia he’d spouted during their movie night.

Luke cradled his iPhone between his ear and shoulder as he grabbed a piece of stationary to jot down the particulars of his new assignment. “Did you just want me to review the play or would you like me to also interview the cast?” 

“Oh!” Elsa’s voice raised a couple of octaves as if she’d just been told she’d won the lottery. “That would be wonderful! The play starts at eight. We’ll need the article by four on Saturday.”

Luke scribbled down the information. “Got it.”

“Thank you so much, Luke.”

“Thank you for the opportunity.” Luke hung on the phone and did a happy dance through his new living room. It was the first time he’s done any form of dancing in over a year. Even though he must look like a total tool, he felt excited and happy. He’d almost forgotten how good it felt. 

After one last shake of his happy ass, Luke returned to the bedroom to finish unpacking the boxes. The sex toys were safely tucked away in a shoebox, which he put on the top shelf of the closet, hoping they’d be used again someday. Luke placed the empty box on the floor and moved on to the next one.

This box was his Noah box, filled with all of his keepsakes from their relationship—pictures, cards, notes, movie stubs, a program from the film festival that Noah’s movie won. Luke unwrapped the newspaper that protected the framed pictures. He wasn’t going to keep these hidden away. On the nightstand next to his bed he placed the picture that had been on it at home—the photo of him and Noah from Natalie’s dance recital. He’d only taken it down to move. Even when Luke was with Reid, he hadn’t the heart to pack it away, which should have been a sign right there that he was on the rebound. Luke justified his actions by telling himself that he and Noah were still friends so it was only natural to keep pictures of your friends out.

There was also a picture of him and Noah proudly displayed in the family room at his mom’s house. Reid had immediately noticed its presence a few weeks into their relationship…

 

_“Isn’t this just precious,” Reid said, picking up the framed photo of Luke and Noah, standing together dressed in suits._

_“That was Valentine’s Day last year. My mom insisted that she take a picture because we looked so handsome,” Luke said, peering over his shoulder. They had gone to dinner at the Old Mill Inn. Luke had bitched about posing for the picture at the time, but once he saw it displayed among the other family photos he was thrilled, because it showed that Noah was truly part of the Snyder family._

_Reid put it down. “And here it still sits.”_

_“Noah’s family,” Luke quickly explained. “He was an important part of my life for a long time. Even though we’re not together, my family still considers him one of our own.”_

_Reid turned to him. “Yes, you’ve told me many times.”_

_“Sorry. It’s just that…”_

_Reid’s cell phone rang. After a brief conversation he hung up. “That was the hospital. I need to go.” He kissed Luke quickly before marching out the door._

_So much for their night out at the Lakeview. Reid was always running off to the hospital. They had yet to go out on a proper date._

_Luke picked up the picture, half tempted to put it away or at the very least someplace where Reid wouldn’t have to see it every time he came over. But Luke stopped. Noah was family—no matter what. He belonged to be on display with the rest of the Snyders. Luke stared at the picture, a sly grin creeping to his lips as he remembered that romantic evening—a delicious dinner followed by hours of lovemaking at the Lakeview in the room Luke had gotten for them. Luke kissed the picture before returning it to its place of honor._

 

That picture was still displayed in his mom’s family room. Luke continued to believe it belonged there. Noah was family.

Luke found another picture of him and Noah—a candid from a family barbeque taken by Faith—and put it out on the end table in the living room. The family picture that had Noah in it from last Christmas was displayed on the mantel along with other family photos. Seeing pictures of him and Noah together so unbelievably happy didn’t make him sad. Instead, it gave him hope that he could be happy like that again. 

Luke was breaking down the cardboard boxes so he could take them out to the trash when his cell phone started barking. Dammit. Faith must have been messing with the tones again. He picked up the phone and discovered that he had a text message from Noah.

 

****

Coming home for Thanksgiving.

Noah was coming home. He actually said “home.” Luke tried not to read too much into it, but he couldn’t help but be thrilled with the news. He typed his reply:

 

****

I’m glad.

It was the truth. 


	4. Chapter 4

Luke was glad that Noah was coming home for Thanksgiving. Noah must have looked at Luke’s short reply a hundred times just to reassure himself that it was real. Knowing that Luke was happy about his visit, still didn’t prevent the butterflies from taking up residence in his stomach. Noah was a little bleary eyed from the red eye flight he took across the country. He’d only managed to catch a catnap because his mind refused to shut down, running through almost every possible scenario for the upcoming weekend. 

Noah also tried to work on his screenplay, making little progress. He brought along his laptop with the hope that Luke might be able to help him with his movie. Luke had been so excited about them working together on his senior film project before Mason had shot down Luke’s script. Noah tried not to think about what might have happened if Noah had gone against Mason’s wishes and used Luke’s script. 

_Stop it with the ‘what ifs’. It’s impossible to go back in time and change the past. I need to focus on the future—something that I do have control over._

In the distance, Noah spotted a limo driver holding a sign that said “Mayer.” Lucinda was going to make sure that he arrived in style all the way to the farm where Emma had a room made up for him for his stay in Oakdale. He was happy to be staying at the farm, which was filled with so many happy memories.

On the ride out to the farm Noah was tempted to send Luke a text to let him know he was on his way, but he decided against it. He’d see Luke soon enough. And it might be easier if he settled in a bit before he did. 

At least that was what Noah kept telling himself.

Truth was he was still anxious as hell. Noah could barely sit still during the limo ride to the farm, his leg bouncing with nervous energy. It was silly. The Snyders were his family. Oakdale was the only home he’d ever really known. 

The gravel crunched under the tires of the limousine as it pulled into the driveway. Noah gazed out the tinted window. The farm looked the same as it had before he left, except for the trees missing their leaves. The ground was still green, but it might not stay that way for long. Snow was in the forecast for the weekend which thrilled Noah to no end. He was actually missing the change of seasons in California, where there wasn’t the smell of burning leaves in the fall, or snow in the winter. 

Noah didn’t wait for the driver to open his door for him. He sprang out of the limo, anxious to get inside the house. The driver retrieved his small suitcase from the trunk while Noah slung his message bag over his shoulder. There weren’t any other cars in the driveway yet. It was still early, but he knew Emma would be up tending to the turkey in the oven. He was looking forward to smelling all the aromas that comprised a Snyder Thanksgiving.

“Thank you,” Noah said, taking his suitcase from the driver. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving to you too, Mr. Mayer.”

Noah took a moment to collect himself before going inside the house. Everything was going to be okay. He was home now—surrounded by people he loved and loved him in return. Family.

The heavenly smells from Emma’s kitchen welcomed Noah when he opened the door—baking turkey, spices, and a hint of freshly baked bread. This was one of his favorite aromas in the world—the kitchen at the Snyder farm. Emma was standing in front of the stove, an apron covering her red sweater and a dishtowel thrown over her shoulder. 

Noah closed the door behind him. “Hello!”

“Noah!” Emma exclaimed, rushing over and throwing her arms around him before he had a chance to put down his laptop and suitcase. “Oh my dear boy, hello…hello…it’s so good to see you!”

Noah set down his suitcase and hugged her tightly. “It’s good to see you. And I mean _really_ see you.” It had been over a year since he actually saw Emma. She had been off helping Meg while Meg was in a psychiatric hospital near Washington DC. Although Meg was still in the facility, Emma had returned home according to one of the short e-mails Luke had sent him. Noah took a good look at her—she was a little thinner, a bit older, but stress will do that to you. 

Emma touched his cheek. “Yes, you can see now. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for your surgery and recovery. I feel just awful about it.”

“It’s all right. Meg was going through a rough time.”

“But still, you’re one of my brood too.”

“I’m okay now.”

“You’re too thin,” she said, giving him the once over. “It’s a good thing that I made some extra sweet potatoes for you. Have you had breakfast yet? You must be starving.”

“I haven’t had a chance to eat yet,” Noah admitted. Being surrounded by all of Emma’s delicious food had woken up his empty stomach with a vengeance. 

“Let me fix you something for breakfast.”

“You don’t have to do that. You’re busy making dinner. I can just grab a bowl of cereal or a piece of toast.”

Emma frowned. “You will do no such thing. How about some eggs, bacon, and toast?”

Noah grinned. “Sounds perfect.”

“I’ll start cooking while you got get settled in. Your old room is all made up for you. There’s time for a quick shower if you want to get freshened up after your flight.”

Noah kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Now scoot.” She waved him away. 

Noah took off his coat, hung it up on the coat rack, gathered his luggage, and headed upstairs. His old room hadn’t changed. Noah set down his messenger bag by the dresser and hoisted his suitcase on the old cedar chest at the foot of the bed. A shower sounded like a good idea. He needed to wash away the travel crud. Noah opened his suitcase and selected some fresh clothes—jeans and an old red and gray plaid shirt that just happened to be one of Luke’s favorites on him. 

Luke.

He was going to see Luke soon.

********

After devouring the amazing breakfast Emma had prepared for him, Noah insisted on helping Emma with what he could in the kitchen. She delegated him to peeling apples for the one of the pies she was baking for dessert. While they worked side by side in the kitchen, Noah told Emma all about life in LA and she filled him in on what was happening with the Snyder clan. Holden was still living at the farm while he dated Lily. He was on an airport run to pick up Aaron and Abigail who would also be staying at the farm. Faith and Parker were still dating, which Noah had a hard time wrapping his head around. Weren’t they kind of related? Natalie would be doing a solo in her upcoming ballet recital. Ethan was becoming a master finger painter in his kindergarten class. Emma seemed careful not to mention Luke. Although Noah had a million questions about him, he held his tongue.

Noah about had a heart attack when the kitchen door opened, thinking that it was going to be Luke walking through the door, but when he saw Holden, Aaron, and Abigail come through it he was met with a mixture of joy and disappointment. 

“Noah!” Holden met him with a huge bear hug. “I’m so happy that you’re joining us for Thanksgiving. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else,” Noah said.

“Hey, bro.” Aaron was the next to hug him. “So good to see you. It’s been way too long. You’re looking good. California seems to be agreeing with you.”

“He’s too skinny!” Emma called over her shoulder as she hugged Abigail.

“California is okay,” Noah told Aaron. “It’s definitely a change from Oakdale.”

“Hi, Noah. You’re definitely Noah, right?” Abigail said, sticking out her hand. 

Noah shook her hand and chuckled. “Yes, I am.”

“Good.” She grinned. “I wouldn’t want to make that mistake again. I’m Abigail, Luke’s sister from LA.”

Noah wasn’t sure what mistake she could have made but decided against asking because he had a feeling that he might not want to know. “Nice to meet you. I also live in LA. I just moved out there a couple of months ago.”

“Really? What a small world!” 

“Noah got a grant to make a movie,” Holden told his daughter. 

“That’s amazing. We’ll have to exchange numbers,” she excitedly told him. “I’m an Account Executive at McCann-Erickson. I work on the Hilton Hotels account. I can show you around the city if you’d like a guide.”

“Yes, definitely.” It was nice to know that there was another Snyder in California. 

Holden glanced around the room. “Lily and the kids aren’t here yet?” 

“Not yet, but I’m expecting them anytime as well as Lucinda and John. Jack, Carly and their gang should also be here soon,” Emma replied. “Holden, why don’t you take the kids upstairs so they can get settled into their rooms.”

Noah went over to the island and resumed his apple duties, desperately needing the distraction. Luke would be walking through that door at any moment. Noah felt a bit queasy. The last time he’d seen Luke he had kissed him goodbye after asking him to come to LA when he was ready. Luke was sad, but still so beautiful. His lips were soft…

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

Noah looked up, his eyes locking on an all too familiar pair of brown eyes. “Hey,” he managed to spit out, dropping the apple he was slicing onto the counter. Before he even realized what he was doing, Noah was already moving across the room to greet Luke.

“Hey, Noah.” Luke hugged him somewhat tentatively—a far cry from many of the bone crushing hugs Noah had received in the past.

Noah tried not to overanalyze it. Everything was going to be fine. It was just uncomfortable because of their limited communication. Luke was glad that Noah was here—at least that was what he’d said in his text. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Before Noah could say anything else, Natalie and Ethan were greeting him with enthusiastic hugs, talking a million miles an hour all at once. Natalie’s question came through loud and clear. “Have you met Justin Bieber yet?” she excitedly asked.

“Noah wouldn’t run into Justin Bieber in LA. He’s Canadian,” Luke informed his sister.

Noah raised an eyebrow. “And you would know this how?” he asked, stifling his laughter.

Luke blushed. “Doesn’t everyone know?”

“No.” Noah laughed unable to contain himself any longer. This was just the ice breaker he needed.

“Justin Bieber’s the best!” Natalie exclaimed. “I listen to his music all the time!”

“Trust me…she does,” Luke said. “And his picture is hanging up all over her room because he’s oh-so-cute!” He batted his eyes.

“I have a Spider-man poster in my room,” Ethan proudly announced.

Noah crouched down to Ethan’s level, which wasn’t nearly as low as he’d remembered. The little guy was growing like a weed! “That’s really neat. Spider-man is really cool. He’s one of my favorite superheroes.”

Ethan happily nodded. “He’s the best.”

“Can your one time Mom get a hug?” Lily asked as she approached him with outstretched arms.

Noah hugged her, inhaling her expensive perfume. A hug from Lily always made him feel special. “I hope you’ll always be my mom,” Noah whispered. 

“You can count on it,” she murmured, then kissed his cheek. 

The crew from upstairs returned to the kitchen and it was chaos. Noah just stood back, taking in all of the hugs and kisses as everyone greeted each other. The Snyder farm at the holidays had to be one of the happiest places on Earth.

********

No Thanksgiving would be complete without the Hubbard Squash. Noah would never forget the first time he saw the big beast. It was three years ago—his very first Snyder Thanksgiving. JJ Snyder had been the bearer of said squash that year. Noah was thrilled when Emma elected him to be the first one to cut into the squash. He’d never forget when he and Luke finally found a few minutes of alone out on the screen porch. Luke whispered how “macho and sexy” Noah had looked cutting the squash.

And the kisses that had followed…

“I think Noah should be the first to cut the squash this year,” Emma announced, handing the hacksaw to him.

Noah smiled. “I’d be honored.” He sawed into the squash while Luke and the others clapped, which made him feel a little silly but incredibly happy.

“I still don’t understand this silly tradition,” Lucinda said, shaking her head.

Noah didn’t either, but he still loved it just the same. He passed the saw to Luke. “Your turn.” He vacated his spot so Luke could take over. Luke made his mark and then gave the saw to JJ, who was home from boarding school for the holiday. 

Luke stood next to Noah. “You’re still as macho as ever,” he murmured.

“Don’t you forget it, Snyder.”

Luke’s smile was priceless. Noah tried to not stare, forcing himself to focus on the Hubbard Squash ritual. The saw was passed from Snyder to Snyder ultimately ending up with Dr. John Dixon. Lily and Carly cleared away the hacked up squash while Emma had the kids set the table for dinner. Faith pitched a fit when she learned that she and Parker had been delegated to the kids’ table.

There was quite a crowd that the farm this Thanksgiving—the biggest Noah has ever seen. Emma was forced to set up a kids’ table in the parlor to accommodate the overflow. The phone rang off the hook. Calls from Seth, Iva, Caleb, and Meg poured in for Emma. 

Holden carved the turkey while everyone grabbed a side dish and ferried it to the table. Lucinda poured Emma’s famous Elderberry wine for those who’d be drinking it for the toast while Luke filled the other glasses (his included) with sparkling grape juice. 

“Okay, everyone, gather around the table,” Emma announced once Holden placed the platter of turkey on the table.

“Sit next to me,” Luke said, offering him a shy smile.

“I had planned on it.”

Once everyone was seated Emma clinked a spoon against her wine glass to get the noisy group’s attention. “Before we say grace I’d like to go around the table so we can say what we’re thankful for this year. I’ll start. I’m very thankful to have a house full of people for Thanksgiving, especially the three that came all the way from the west coast.”

Noah cleared his throat. “I’d like to go next if that’s okay with everyone.”

Emma smiled. “Of course, dear.”

“Last Thanksgiving I wasn’t thankful for anything. I was so angry about being blind. All I could focus on was what I no longer had, instead of the positives that still remained in my life despite my injury,” Noah explained, fighting to keep the emotion out of his voice. He wanted to get through this without breaking down in front of everyone. “This year I have a lot to be thankful for. I can see again. Every time I open my eyes and see the color and beauty of the world, I’m thankful. I’m thankful that was given a grant to make a film, which has always been a dream of mine. But most of all I’m thankful that you guys never gave up on me. You stood by me when I was impossible to be around. I’m so—”

Luke pushed himself away from the table. “Excuse me,” he murmured before dashing out the door, leaving everyone dumbfounded.

“I’ll go after him,” Noah said, rising from his chair. “Don’t hold dinner for us.” He snatched his jacket from the coat rack, pulling it on as he headed out of the house. 

Luke was nowhere to be seen, but Noah had a good idea of where he’d find Luke. The pond—his special place. Noah jogged toward the pond, anxious to get to Luke. When he approached the clearing, he spotted Luke—head down, arms wrapped around his chest, pacing along the shoreline.

The last time Noah had been at the pond was when Luke had scattered Reid’s ashes in it. That day all Noah had wanted to do was wrap Luke in his arms to take away the pain. He hated seeing Luke so upset. 

“Luke!” Noah called out to him.

Luke stopped and looked over at him, wiping the tears from his eyes. “You should be eating Thanksgiving dinner.”

“And so should you,” Noah said as he approached him. Luke had to be chilled to the bone. He’d run outside without his coat and while there wasn’t snow on the ground it was cold outside. “I’m sorry if I said something to that hurt you.”

“I’m the one who is sorry,” Luke sniffed. “I let you down.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You thanked everyone for standing by you but I didn’t,” Luke said, his voice hitching. “I gave up on you during the worst time in your life. I broke up with you because I couldn’t deal with giving you what you needed instead of what I thought you needed. I just ended it.” Luke buried his face in his hands as he began to sob.

Noah gathered him into his arms, holding Luke’s trembling body against his. “I pushed you away.”

“I should never have broken up with you,” Luke cried. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“Hey…hey,” Noah murmured into Luke’s hair. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“Things got rough and I just left you.”

“I didn’t give you much choice.”

Luke gazed up at him, his nose runny, face tear stained. “No…no…it was my fault. I decided that I couldn’t just be the friend that you needed. I should have put your needs before my own. My god, Noah…” 

Noah brushed his fingers through Luke’s hair. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“I should have had faith in you. I’m sorry.” Luke shivered.

“Please stop apologizing. Please, Luke.” Noah hugged Luke, rubbing his back to warm him up. “You’re freezing. We need to get back inside.”

Luke rested his forehead against Noah’s shoulder. “I’m such a drama queen.”

“It’s part of your charm.”

“My family is going to think I’ve really gone off the deep end now.”

“Nah…they’ll be too busy stuffing themselves with turkey to notice.”

Luke snorted. “Doubtful. I made quite the exit.”

“Come on,” Noah said, guiding him away from the pond. “Everything will be much better once you get some Thanksgiving dinner in your belly.”

“And pie—can’t forget the pumpkin pie.”

“With extra whipped cream.”

Luke grinned. “Yes, we must have extra whipped cream.”

Noah blushed as he remembered how Luke turned him into a dessert after one of their romantic nights at the apartment. Luke said if Noah cooked the dinner he’d handle the dessert. Little did Noah know that Luke’s idea of dessert was spraying Reddi Whip and drizzling chocolate syrup over Noah’s body then slowly licking it off him. To this day Noah’s cock still twitched when he saw a can of Reddi Whip.

Thankfully, no one said anything when they returned to the farmhouse. The family allowed them to slip into their seats as if nothing had happened. Noah sent up a silent thank you that the Snyders were so good at ignoring drama. 

“I’m thankful that Aaron didn’t take all of the stuffing,” Luke managed to joke as he piled his plate full of food. 

“Or the sweet potatoes,” Noah added with a chuckle.

“I made sure that you’d have plenty, my dear,” Emma said.

Noah had two large helpings of sweet potatoes much to Emma’s delight. They tasted better than he remembered. Everything was cooked to perfection. It was by far the best meal he had in a very long time. His belly was full and his heart content as he ate the last bite of sweet potatoes, clearing his plate. This was one of the best Thanksgivings of his life, even though he and Luke weren’t together.

Everyone was too stuffed for pie, so it was decided that they’d all let the food digest a bit before having dessert. Holden headed up dish brigade—Noah and Luke dried, while Jack, JJ and Parker put them away. Noah was always impressed with the way everyone rallied to get the kitchen back to its pristine state in record time. 

As Noah was wiping off the last plate, he glanced at Luke, catching a faraway look in Luke’s eyes. _He probably wishes Reid were here._ From what Noah remembered Reid had a healthy appetite. Some of Dr. Oliver’s rare attempts at small talk had been about food. Thanksgiving at the Snyders would probably have been right up his alley.

Noah needed air. He passed the plate to Parker and wove his way through the throng of Snyders so he could get out onto the screen porch, which was empty. Noah hated that he was still bothered by Luke’s relationship with Reid. It made him feel guilty and sad.

Behind him he heard the screen door close with a soft thud, then footsteps. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. “Hey,” Noah said.

“Too much family?” Luke asked, sidling up next to him.

Noah shrugged. “Too much thinking.”

“Yeah,” Luke quietly agreed.

Noah stared out the window. “I’m sorry he’s not here for you, Luke.”

“He was never big on family.”

“And you have one big family.”

Luke snorted. “Big, loud, obnoxious, and quite nosey.”

“I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”

“Me either.” Luke tentatively touched Noah’s arm. “I’m sorry I haven’t been too good about keeping in touch.”

Noah pursed his lips. “I understand. You’re dealing with a lot right now.”

“I just…” Luke sighed. “I think we should probably talk.”

Noah’s stomach knotted. It sounded so ominous. “Yeah,” he tersely replied.

“But I don’t think we should do it right now. Do you have any plans tomorrow?”

“No, I don’t. Actually, I don’t have any plans for the rest of the weekend.”

Luke smiled. “Why don’t you come to my place? Grandma will probably send me home with a ton of leftovers because she’s afraid that I’m going to starve. We—”

His place? Didn’t Luke mean his parents’ place?

“Wait—did you say _your_ place?”

Luke chuckled. “Oh, that’s right. You don’t know. I moved into Grandmother’s guest cottage.”

“Are you serious?” Noah asked utterly flabbergasted. Never in a million years would he think Luke would want to live in the place Noah had shared with Ameera—even if it had been a sham marriage.

“I know—you must think I’ve gone certifiable,” Luke said, folding his arms across his chest. “Maybe I have. I figured it was time to move out on my own. I knew the cottage was empty and it would be close to family so I asked Grandmother if I could become her new tenant. She was just as surprised as you.”

“I think it’s a good thing that you decided to strike out on your own.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Noah saw it as a positive step forward.

“Will you come over for lunch then? You know I’m a pro at reheating food.”

“Most of the time.” Noah smiled at the memory of Luke forgetting the leftover pot roast in the oven, which set off the fire alarm and turned their apartment into a smoky mess.

Luke rolled his eyes. “One time I forgot the pot roast—one time!”

“I’d love to have leftovers with you.”

Luke nodded. “Good…good…we’ll eat and talk.”

“Try to convince Emma to send you home with some leftover pie too.”

“If she does I’ll have to stop and pick up some Reddi Whip,” Luke smirked.

Noah grinned. “Yeah, that’s a good idea—that is if you want to get some.” And Luke could also eat it off Noah’s body again.

_Stop! That’s not what Luke had in mind._

“We’ll see,” Luke stammered. “There might not be any stores open tonight.”

Fuck. What was he thinking flirting with Luke? But didn’t Luke start it? Noah didn’t know anymore which was crazy because he used to be able to read Luke like an open book. But that was before…

Noah ran his hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter either way. Emma’s pie is good with or without whipped cream. What time should I stop by?”

“Would noon work for you?”

“It would be great. I’ll be there.”

Holden stuck his head out the door. “You boys need to come inside. Mama wants to take a family picture.”

Family.

Noah would never get tired of being considered a member of the Snyder family. After Noah found out about Luke’s involvement with Reid, Noah had distanced himself from Luke’s family, even though Lily had told him not to do so. At the time he couldn’t bear possibly seeing Reid take his place. It had been bad enough when Reid showed up at the family party while Noah was there getting some things he’d left behind in Luke’s bedroom.

Luke cast Noah a sidelong glance. “Don’t you even think about trying to get out of it.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

********

Noah was exhausted by the end of the day. The red eye flight was finally catching up with him, not to mention the non-stop craziness of the day. He’d barely had a chance to catch his breath since he arrived at the farm. Noah wasn’t complaining though. He just wished that his mind would shut down so he could get some rest. Tomorrow was going to a big day. He and Luke were hopefully going to clear the air between them.

Lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling wasn’t getting him anywhere, so Noah got out of bed and headed downstairs. When he lived at the farm and couldn’t sleep, he’d always raid Emma’s refrigerator. Noah was surprised to find Aaron sitting by himself at the kitchen table, drinking a beer.

“Hey,” Noah said carefully closing the door to the back staircase behind him as to not wake the rest of the house.

“Can’t sleep either?”

“No, I think I’m still stuck on California time.”

“Grab a beer and join me,” Aaron said. “I barely had a chance to talk to you all day. You’re quite popular, Noah Mayer.”

Noah snatched a beer from the refrigerator and twisted off the cap as he sauntered over to the kitchen table. “This reminds me of old times,” he said, sliding into the chair across from Aaron. 

There was a time when Aaron, Noah, and Luke all lived at the farm. On several occasions when Noah couldn’t sleep he’d encounter Aaron, who was coming home from a late shift at the Lakeview. They’d had many good conversations sitting at Emma’s kitchen table. 

“Certainly does,” Aaron wistfully replied. He took a long pull from the bottle of beer. “How are you really doing? Everything okay in California? You didn’t seem too enthusiastic about it earlier. I thought you’d be thrilled to be out there making a movie. It’s was all you could talk about.”

Noah traced a finger along the opening of the bottle. “Yeah…you’d think.” He sighed. “I should be happy, but I’m not. I’m trying though.”

Aaron sat back in his chair. “It’s because of Luke.” Noah shrugged and took a sip of his beer. “You still love him.”

“Never stopped, but it’s not that simple.”

“He still loves you.”

Noah’s heart rate quickened. “Did he tell you that?” he asked, trying to remain calm.

Aaron snorted. “He doesn’t have to. I have eyes, Noah. Luke still looks at you like he did when you first started dating. He’s in love.”

“I don’t know about that.” Noah started to pick at the label on the bottle. “I haven’t seen any difference.”

“Maybe you’re just used to him looking at you like that.”

“No, I don’t think I could ever get used to that look.” Noah remembered the times when he’d discover Luke just staring at him with a sly smile on his face. There was a glimmer in Luke’s eyes that seemed to be reserved just for him, which made Noah feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Noah hasn’t felt that look or that way in quite some time, though.

“I think you’re both being silly, stubborn, cautious—whatever. From what I know about the situation and it isn’t a hell of a lot…”

The door to the backstairs opened and Abigail stepped out wearing a pink bathrobe. “It looks like I’m not the only one who is stuck on Pacific Time.”

“Grab a brew and join us,” Aaron said. “Noah and I are talking about our little brother.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” she replied, strolling over to the refrigerator to get her beverage.

Noah’s mind was still reeling. It was almost unfathomable that Luke wouldn’t talk to Aaron about Reid. Luke loved to talk. And God knows that he had been happy with his doctor boyfriend. He’d certainly told Noah this so why wouldn’t he share with his family. It didn’t make any sense to Noah. “Luke didn’t talk to you about Reid?” 

“No, I didn’t even know there was a Reid. He never mentioned him.”

“I didn’t know about him either,” Abigail said, joining them at the kitchen table with beer in hand and a bowl of pretzels in the other. “Actually…well…this is kind of embarrassing.” She shook her head. “I assumed Reid was you when I met him.”

“Nice.” Aaron chuckled.

“I was mortified, but I had no idea that you and Luke weren’t together anymore. And it’s not like I ever had the opportunity to actually meet Noah in person.”

“I don’t understand it,” Noah said, brows knitting together. “This doesn’t sound like Luke.”

“Maybe it wasn’t as serious as Luke would have you believe,” Aaron suggested.

“I know if I wanted to make an ex jealous I would pretend that I was so much better off—even when I wasn’t,” Abigail admitted.

“He seemed pretty happy to me. I asked him to move to LA with me before Reid…uh…died. If Luke still loved me then, he would have said yes.”

Aaron slowly shook his head. “Noah, Noah, Noah…I thought you would have learned by now that the Snyders are a stubborn lot. Our Luke has a way of digging in his heels and not budging even when he knows he’s wrong.”

“Aaron’s right,” Abigail added, popping a pretzel into her mouth. “Have you had a chance to talk to him since you’ve been here?”

“Kind of.” Noah sighed. “I’m supposed to meet him at his place for lunch tomorrow. The plan is to talk.”

Abigail smiled. “It’s a good start.”

“Do you want him back?” Aaron asked.

Noah didn’t hesitate for a moment. “Yes, I do. I’d give anything to get him back.”

“Then you gotta go balls to the wall when you have your talk,” Aaron told him.

“Aaron!” Abigail laughed, choking a little on her pretzel.

“I’m serious,” Aaron insisted. “Noah has got to let it all hang out—no holds barred. It could be his one and only chance to say his piece. If you really want him, then you have to be ready to fight for him if need be.” 

“I don’t think you’re going to have to fight too hard,” Abigail said, placing a reassuring hand on Noah’s arm. “Luke still loves you.”

Noah wanted to believe it. Hell, he needed to believe that Luke just didn’t stop loving him, but it was difficult given some of the things Luke had said to him while Luke was dating Reid. 

Noah took a gulp of beer. “I don’t know about that…”

“You need to find out,” Abigail insisted. “You don’t want to go back to California with any regrets.”

“You’ve got nothing to lose,” Aaron added.

No, he didn’t. Noah had already lost what was most dear to him—Luke. 

Tomorrow it would be balls to the wall.


	5. Chapter 5

Luke was a wreck. Noah was going to be there any minute. They hadn’t been totally alone in a very long time. There was a time when it had been impossible to be alone—not because they didn’t want to. Fate—okay…more like family—seemed to always prevent them from having any sort of private time together. A house full of people for Thanksgiving once again prevented them from being alone, which was a relief. Luke hadn’t been prepared for just how hard it would hit him to see Noah again or the emotions it would elicit. 

Luke knew he needed to talk to Noah, but Thanksgiving with all of those relatives there just wasn’t the right time to do it. They needed their privacy. Luke had so much he needed to say to Noah, but he wasn’t sure how it was going to come out. He needed to figure out a way—fast.

The floors of the cottage were getting quite a workout as Luke paced them, stopping to fluff the pillows on the sofa, ducking into the bathroom to check his appearance for the thousandth time, taking inventory in the kitchen to make sure that he had everything he needed for lunch. Luke was overflowing with nervous energy. He tried to tell himself that it was only Noah, but that only made it worse.

Noah was his first love. And for almost three years he’d been Luke’s life. 

Luke remembered a conversation he’d had with Noah a couple of years ago about first loves. It was during the campaign for the student election. Luke had found out about the UsTube video Kevin’s cronies had made about him which made fun of Luke for being gay. All Luke could think about was getting back at Kevin. He’d been obsessed with it—so much so that Noah accused him of still having feelings for Kevin because Kevin had been Luke’s first love (at least that was how Noah had seen it at the time). Noah admitted to Luke that he’d never get over his first love. Even though Noah didn’t come out and say it, Luke knew that he was Noah’s first love. Luke tried to reassure Noah that whatever Kevin was to him it was nothing compared to how he loved Noah. What Luke had felt for Kevin was a silly crush, an infatuation which was a far cry from how he felt about Noah.

Still felt for Noah.

Noah was right. You never do get over your first love. 

And Luke wasn’t so sure that he wanted to get over Noah.

There was a knock on the door. Luke froze. Noah had arrived. Taking a deep breath, Luke closed his eyes, summoning every ounce of strength he knew he’d need to make it through this visit. 

“Totally honesty,” Luke murmured, striding over to the door. “Noah deserves the truth no matter how difficult some of it may be to take.” He opened the door to find Noah shifting nervously on the other side, holding a plastic bag from Jewel-Osco.

“Hey,” Noah greeted him. “I…uh…come bearing pie. Emma sent me over with the pumpkin. I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some whipped cream just in case you weren’t able to get any. We can’t have pumpkin pie without whipped cream.” He was rambling a mile a minute which meant Noah was probably just as nervous as he was—maybe more so.

“I picked some up on my way home last night. Now we can have our own cans.” Luke grinned.

“Good thing she gave me a whole pie.” Noah’s blue eyes twinkled with amusement. It had been a long time since he’d seen that look. 

Luke stared at Noah a bit mesmerized. “Yeah.” 

“Can I…uh…come in?”

Luke snapped out of his reverie. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry for leaving you out there in the cold.” He stepped aside so Noah could enter the cottage. “You must be freezing. Your blood isn’t used to anything below 60 degrees.”

“Thanks.” Noah stepped inside and handed Luke the bag he was holding. “These should probably go into the refrigerator.”

“Right.” Luke took the bag, heading toward the kitchen. “I’ll have to find room for it. Grandma really set me up with the leftovers. She made sure that I got a hefty portion of the sweet potatoes for you since they’re your favorite. I have turkey, stuffing, green beans…” Luke realized that he must sound like a blathering idiot. “I…uh…have a lot food. You won’t starve!” he called to Noah as he found a place in the refrigerator for the latest additions. 

Luke sauntered into the living room, noticing that Noah had taken off his jacket and was standing by the fireplace, holding the Christmas family picture. There was a slight grin on Noah’s face as he gazed at the photo, which made Luke smile. Last Christmas had been bittersweet. Noah had been able to share it with them, but he was still angry and frustrated. 

“My refrigerator is officially packed,” Luke announced. “I should probably take a picture of it to show my grandma because she’d never believe it.”

Noah flinched when he heard Luke’s voice, quickly returning the photo to the mantel. “Yeah, you probably should,” Noah said. He still looked as if he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“Are you hungry now?”

“No, I’m good. Emma made sure I was well fed before I left.”

Luke folded his arms across his chest, hugging himself. “I’m seriously babbling here. I’m sorry. I guess I’m nervous.”

“So am I.”

“Did you want some coffee? I can make some. It probably won’t be as good as Java or one of your concoctions, but it won’t take long.” Luke cringed as he realized that he was back to blathering like a complete idiot. 

Noah chuckled. “I don’t think we need to add caffeine in this situation.” 

“True.”

“Maybe we should sit.”

“Yes, please—sit—wherever you want.”

“You did a good job of decorating this place,” Noah said, sauntering over to the sofa. “You’ve made it your own.”

“I picked up some new artwork. Grandmother had the wallpaper removed and the walls painted after you moved out.”

Noah sat down on the couch. “I’m surprised that you wanted to live here.”

Luke wasn’t sure if he should sit on the sofa with Noah or take a seat in the armchair so he just stood there. “I know, right? I wanted to get my own place, but I wanted something fast. This just seemed like the perfect option. I can still be close to family this way.”

“Lucinda is a good landlord.”

“Hopefully, she’ll give me my space. I don’t want her to think that she needs to babysit me or anyone else for that matter. Sometimes I think my family is waiting for me to just fall apart, but I’m okay.”

Noah patted the couch cushion. “Sit, Luke.” Luke nodded, taking the spot Noah had offered to him. “Are you really okay?” he quietly asked.

“Don’t I seem okay?” Luke asked a bit too defensively.

“You do.” Noah placed his hand on Luke’s thigh but quickly pulled it away as if it had been burned. “I just wanted to be sure. You’ve been through a lot.” Noah took a breath. “I know what he—”

“Don’t,” Luke stopped him from continuing. 

“Sorry,” Noah murmured.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Luke told him. He didn’t want Noah to feel bad because he certainly hadn’t done anything wrong. “It wasn’t some great love affair.”

Noah blinked at Luke. “What?”

Luke stared down as he wrung his hands on his lap. “He wasn’t my first love. The first love is the one that you never get over.” 

“Kevin?”

Luke gaped at Noah. Had the California sun fried his brain? “Not Kevin. I can’t believe you still think it was Kevin.” He sighed dramatically. “Kevin wasn’t my first love. He was a silly infatuation. _You_ were my first love, Noah. You were my first real kiss, my first ‘I love you’ and the only person I’ve ever made love to.”

“But not the only person you ever loved,” Noah said quietly. “You loved Reid and now he’s gone. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone you were in love with…”

Luke bit his lip. Noah needed to finally hear the truth. “I wasn’t exactly in love with him.” Noah just sat there staring at Luke. “I mean there were some things I loved about him, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that I was _in_ love with him.”

Noah pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to process what Luke was telling him. Luke knew the look all too well. He forced himself to sit quietly so Noah could gather his thoughts. “You told me that you loved him,” Noah finally said.

“You gave me no choice!” 

“No choice? What are you talking about? You said that we were never right for each other!”

“You were leaving—moving to LA. I was so mad at you for abandoning me.” Luke glanced away at Noah. “I wanted to hurt you so I told you that I loved Reid. And then I told Reid what I’d said to you. A couple hours later he got into that stupid accident and died.”

“You didn’t want me, Luke,” Noah said, fighting to keep his tone even. “I tried to get back together with you, but you wouldn’t have it. You chose someone else.”

Luke turned to him, eyes brimming with tears. “Because you didn’t want me anymore. He did. Reid needed me.”

“I never stopped loving you.” Noah placed a tentative hand on Luke’s leg.

Luke shook his head. “You were so mad at me because I caused the accident. It was my fault that you were blind. I would have given anything to change what happened that day. I never should have insisted on talking to you when you were busy trying to finish up your movie.” Tears spilled down Luke’s cheeks. Damn it. He hated crying. Noah hadn’t even been there for ten minutes and Luke had already turned into a blathering mess.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Noah said gently.

“You were right about why I went to Damian,” Luke sniffed. “Deep down I knew he’d do my dirty work. I wanted Mason gone. I didn’t want him looking at you—touching you. You were _my_ boyfriend.”

Noah removed his hand from Luke’s thigh, clenching it into a fist. “I just…” He took a deep breath. “I don’t understand why you didn’t trust me.”

Luke blinked at him. “I trust you. I _never_ stopped trusting you.”

“I told you that I wasn’t interested in Mason and that I could handle the situation, but you still took matters into your own hands.”

“I trusted you!” Luke insisted. “It was Mason that I didn’t trust. You should have heard him that morning at Yo’s after your first day of shooting. He was so fucking confident that he could take you away from me. Mason told me that after your film project was on it was ‘game on.’ I’ll never forget that smug look on his face. I wanted to strangle him with that stupid, fucking scarf of his.”

“But I was never interested in him, Luke. I told you then and I’m telling you now—Mason was just my advisor. I wasn’t the least bit attracted to him. I respected his professional opinion. That’s all—end of story. I don’t know how you can think that I would ever want to be with anyone like him.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you want. Shit just happens.” Luke glanced away, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“I never would have chosen Mason over you.”

“Just like my mom would never have chosen Damian over my dad?”

Noah stared at him completely baffled. “I don’t understand.”

“That day—the day after I found you at Yo’s celebrating with Mason and the crew—I ran into my dad in Old Town when I was on my way to the meeting at Grimaldi Shipping. He told me that his marriage to my mom was over. She had chosen Damian over him.” Luke stared up at the ceiling, shaking his head. “Never in a million years would I have expected that. She had been so devastated when she thought he was dead. So much so that I was worried I would lose her too.”

“I remember.”

“Then Damian made his move and my dad became an afterthought. I was afraid that might happen to us. Mason would find a way to take you away from me. I guess ultimately he did.”

“I wouldn’t say Mason took me away from you.” There was an edge in Noah’s voice. Luke could tell that he was holding back, trying to keep his emotions in check. He also understood who he thought was responsible for their breakup even if Noah wasn’t coming right out and saying it yet.

“After the accident, you didn’t want me. I couldn’t do anything right. You just kept pushing me away. All I wanted to do was take care of you—help—anything to try to make things better.” Luke could feel the tears beginning to build again. The memory of how helpless he felt after Noah’s accident still haunted him to this very day. 

Noah pursed his lips. “Do you think I can get a bottle of water or something?”

Luke sprang up from the sofa relieved for the break. He needed a few minutes to compose himself. “Yeah…I’ll be right back.” Not waiting for Noah’s reply, he dashed out of the room and into the kitchen. He grabbed a couple of bottles of water out of the refrigerator and then shut it, resting his back against the door, taking a few long, deep breaths.

Having this conversation with Noah was proving to be more difficult than he imagined. Luke thought that maybe some time would have helped, but it appeared that the wounds were still pretty fresh regardless of their age. They would find a way to get through it. Even if it took the entire weekend.

Luke blew out another breath, before pushing off the refrigerator and marching back into the lion’s den—err—living room. “One bottle of water.” He handed the plastic bottle to Noah before plopping next to him on the sofa. 

Noah twisted off the cap, setting it on the end table next to him. With a shaky hand he brought the bottle to his lips. It looked like Luke wasn’t the only one who had been rattled. Luke quickly glanced away before Noah realized that he’d seen his frayed nerves. 

“Sorry,” Noah sad after he swallowed a big gulp of water, “I just needed…”

“There’s no need to explain. Trust me.”

Noah smiled weakly. “Good.”

“Good.” Luke took a large swig of water.

Noah cleared his throat. “When I was growing up there was never anyone to really take care of me. Maybe my mom did before she left, but I don’t really remember her. My father…well…you know all about him. He wasn’t exactly the loving, nurturing type. I had to do things on my own ever since I can remember. The Colonel had always led me to believe that needing someone was a sign of weakness. A man should always stand on his own two feet.”

“I thought after you came out you realized that the Colonel’s views were bullshit.”

“Yeah, you’d think that.” Noah chuckled ruefully. “And I think I did on some level, but I also have eighteen years of living with the Colonel working against me. Day after day he drilled his twisted views into my head. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be free of that man.”

“He hasn’t controlled you in a long time.”

“I can still hear him at times—taunting me.” Noah nervously tapped the bottle of water he was holding. “After the accident, I could almost hear his amusement. Noah, the perennial fuck up, really did a number this time—messing with fireworks and almost getting blown up in the process. He was so pathetic he couldn’t even get his stupid movie made.”

Luke had absolutely no clue that Noah had been feeling that way coupled with trying to cope with the blindness. He thought he’d known everything about Noah—that he could read him better than anyone. Boy was he ever wrong. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“So I could get even more of your pity? No thank you.”

“I didn’t pity you.”

“It felt like it most the time.”

“I wanted to fix my colossal error.”

“I was afraid I couldn’t be fixed. Then what?”

“Then we would have moved forward,” Luke insisted. “I loved you with or without sight. You were still the man I fell in love with.”

“I didn’t feel like him. I didn’t know if I would ever feel that way again.”

“I know how that feels,” Luke reminded him. “I was stuck in a wheelchair. There was a chance that I wasn’t going to walk again. I tried to push you away, but you stuck by me and with your help I was able to walk again.”

“But if you hadn’t regained the use of your legs you still would have been able to live out your dreams. You would have been able to write. I couldn’t see so I wouldn’t have been able to make movies. From the first time I saw a movie I knew that was what I wanted to do. I didn’t have a Plan B.”

“You still had me. I wasn’t going to leave you. We could have had a good life together even if you couldn’t see.”

“I hated being dependant on people,” Noah quietly confessed. “It made me feel weak and scared which was how I felt when I lived with the Colonel.”

“You’re one of the strongest people I know, Noah.” Luke stretched his arm across the back of the sofa, his fingers brushing against Noah’s shoulder. “I never saw you as weak or a burden. You were always just Noah to me.”

Noah slowly nodded as he allowed Luke’s words to sink in. “I never really thought the accident was your fault. I know I told you repeatedly it was, but it was easier to blame you than face the fact that it was my stupidity that caused it.”

“I shouldn’t have distracted you when you were trying to set up the fireworks.”

“I had no business working with them in the first place.” Noah took another drink of water. “I lashed out at you because I knew you loved me—you’d stick by me no matter how much of an ass I was to you.”

Luke pushed down the lump that had formed in his throat. “But I didn’t. When things got to be too much, I bailed.”

“You just wanted to be reassured that we still had a future together and I wouldn’t give you that. I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t get my sight back. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me.”

“It never felt like an obligation. I just loved you, Noah.”

Noah stared down at the water bottle, gripping it tightly. “When did you start having feelings for him?”

And there it was—the topic Luke had been dreading. Reid. They definitely needed to talk about what happened between Luke and Reid. This was going to be ugly and painful. They were about to venture into the snake pit where they were liable to sustain a bite or two. The question was would they be able to come out of it without sustaining anything too venomous.

Total honesty. 

Luke remembered making that pledge with Noah. They’d both faltered. Luke was certain he’d violated their vow more than Noah had. Noah deserved the truth, no matter how difficult it was going to be for both of them. Luke prayed that Noah wouldn’t hate him after it was all said and done.

“I’m not exactly sure,” Luke admitted. “I was intrigued by him, but I didn’t necessarily want to be with him. I still loved you very much when I broke up with you. And I did it because I just couldn’t keep being just your friend. I missed our intimacy something fierce. I hated having the fear that you’d keep rejecting me when I tried to kiss you or make love to you.”

“So you found someone who would give you the affection you needed,” Noah said through gritted teeth.

Luke was determined to keep his composure so he could make Noah understand why things played out the way they had. It wasn’t cut and dry. There were so many shades of gray. “No. I didn’t go looking for anyone. My priority was making sure that Reid did your surgery so you could get your sight back. I had to ensure that he beat the malpractice suit. And I will admit that it felt good to be needed, but it was all business for me.”

“Is that the only reason you went to Dallas with him? To help him with the malpractice suit?”

Luke chewed his lip. “I saw you at Al’s with that guy you had a date with—you were laughing. You hadn’t laughed with me in months.”

“Are you talking about Richard?” Noah asked, running his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah…the guy that totally wanted to get into your pants.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “We were just friends. I was never interested in him romantically. It was easy to be friends with Richard because he didn’t have any expectations of me. He only knew blind Noah.”

“Well, he certainly liked blind Noah—a lot. You should have seen the way he looked at you. He was smitten,” Luke huffed.

“Uh…I couldn’t. I was blind.”

Right. Luke cringed. “Damn. I'm so sorry, Noah. I wasn't thinking. Again.”

Noah’s expression softened. “Hey, there's no need to apologize. I was trying to make a joke. Obviously not a very good one.”

“I guess I’m a little too keyed up.” Luke sighed. 

“Maybe we should break for lunch. I’d hate to see Emma’s leftovers go to waste.” Noah flashed a toothy vampire grin Luke’s way, which made Luke smile.

Luke chuckled as he stood up. “I’m happy that your appetite hasn’t suffered.”

“The prospect of more sweet potatoes always does wonders,” Noah said, springing to his feet. “I can heat them up if you want to set the table.”

“You still don’t trust me in the kitchen,” Luke said, shaking his head. “Even my own kitchen.”

Noah fell into step beside Luke as they strolled toward the small galley kitchen. “It’s not a matter of trust. It’s just a matter of not ruining good food.”

“You’re never going to let the pot roast incident go, are you?” While they were living in the apartment Luke had decided to reheat the pot roast that Noah had cooked the night before in the oven. He had forgotten it was in the oven—until the smoke detector started beeping loudly. Leftovers turned into Bennidito’s pizza. And Noah had banned Luke from the kitchen for a week.

“How can I?” Noah smirked. “I never saw something so charred beyond recognition.”

“Fine. I’ll get the food out and you can decide what you’d like to do with it.” Luke opened the refrigerator, poking his head inside. He passed Noah several containers filled with the Thanksgiving leftovers his grandma had packed for him.

“Do you have any bread and things for sandwiches?” Noah asked.

Sandwiches.

Luke quickly squelched the guilt he felt for laughing and joking with Noah. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. “Yeah…sure.”

Noah must have picked up on his slight hesitation. “We can do something else if you’d like. I just thought sandwiches would be more suitable for lunch. I can warm up some of the sides to go with them.”

Luke handed Noah a package of Swiss cheese. “It’s a good idea. You know what I like.”

“Then I’ll need to get in there.” Noah pointed to the refrigerator. 

“Right and I’ll need to get into the drawer you’re standing in front of.”

They danced around each other so they could perform their specific duties. It was like old times in the small kitchen they had in their apartment where they were constantly bumping into each other. In a matter of moments they fell into their old routine which was comforting, but a bit sad. Luke hadn’t realized just how much he missed just doing the simplest things with Noah until now. A lump formed in his throat as he, once again, realized just how much he’d lost when he broke up with Noah.

“I missed this,” Noah said, casting a shy glance in Luke’s direction. “I’ve missed a lot of things but strangely it was a lot of the mundane things that would come to mind.”

“Yeah.” Luke managed as he got a couple of plates out of the cupboard.

Noah cringed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone there.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I missed this too—you know—just being together.” He quickly snatched some silverware from the drawer and then scurried out of the kitchen so he could set the table as well as regain his composure. His hand shook as he placed each plate on the table. 

Damn it. Luke didn’t want to blow this because he had suddenly incapable of keeping his emotions in check. _Try to relax and enjoy Noah’s company while you can._

“You better not be destroying my kitchen!” Luke called, even though he knew it was impossible for Noah to do such a thing. Noah was always careful and neat when he cooked. 

“Like you actually use more than the refrigerator and microwave!” 

Luke laughed, happy that Noah still had his sense of humor during all of this. “Maybe I’ll surprise you and take cooking lessons,” he said, strolling back into the kitchen. “I could turn out to be a gourmet chef.”

“And I’ll be a bestselling novelist,” Noah snorted.

“Point taken.” Luke brushed past him. “What did you want to drink?”

“Coke if you have it.”

Luke grabbed two cans of Coke from the refrigerator. “Do we need anything else?”

“Can you take the sandwiches out to the table? I’ll handle the rest.”

Luke snatched the sandwich platter that Noah had made for them. “Looks delicious.”

“I made a few different varieties, but I couldn’t do a four meat.”

Was Noah flirting with him? Luke wasn’t sure, but he decided to go for it anyway. “Too bad because you know there’s no substitute for four different kinds of meat,” he called over his shoulder as he ferried the sandwiches to the table. _Let Noah chew on that for a few minutes._

If Noah was affected by Luke’s response, he didn’t show it when he sauntered out the kitchen carrying bowls filled with mashed sweet potatoes, stuffing, and cranberry salad. “I picked a few dishes that I thought might go well with the sandwiches I made,” Noah said, placing the bowls on the table.

“Smells just as good as it did yesterday.”

Noah pulled out the chair opposite Luke and sat down. “I think Emma’s sweet potatoes taste even better on the second day. They age like a fine wine.”

“I was going to say that about her stuffing,” Luke said, scooping out some stuffing and putting it on his plate. 

“Is there a sandwich that suits your fancy? If you’d like something different, I can make it for you.”

“There’s no need. They look great.”

Noah nodded, quickly busying himself with opening a can of Coke. Luke noticed that Noah’s hands were trembling again as he worked the tab on the can. His first instinct was to reach across the table to steady Noah’s hands and reassure him that everything was going to be okay. But Luke wasn’t so sure. They had only scratched the surface with the worst of it still to come. 

Luke decided to try to lighten the mood. “I was thinking about getting a puppy, but I figured that Grandmother would shit a brick if I brought a pet in here.”

It worked because Noah’s grin quickly returned. “Your grandmother would never shit a brick—diamonds definitely.”

Luke chuckled. “Very true, but either way I decided against it. I’m not the most reliable person. I would probably forget to feed the poor thing.”

“Luke, you are not the first-class screw up you seem to think you are.”

Luke appreciated Noah’s support, but the facts didn’t lie. He sighed. “Noah, I got kicked out of school. I haven’t held a real job for any decent amount of time. I keep going on to the next big thing for all the wrong reasons.” 

“You got a little off track,” Noah diplomatically replied, which garnered an eyebrow raise out of Luke. “Okay…maybe a lot, but you’re a smart guy. I know you’ll figure it out.”

“I’m trying. It’s one of the reasons why I wanted to get out on my own. I need to learn how to be a bit more independent.” Luke forced himself not to cringe when he said the word, which had been the bane of Luke’s existence when Noah kept declaring that was what he needed while he was blind. “It’s time I found out what it’s like to live by myself.”

“How is it going so far?”

“All right. I don’t hate it, but it’s just not the same…” Luke left the sentence unfinished, taking a bite of his sandwich instead. It wasn’t the same as living with Noah. Those four months had been heaven—even with their busy schedules and issues with Luke’s family crises and Noah’s overzealous film advisor. 

“Yeah,” Noah murmured then busied himself with his sandwich. 

So much for lightening the mood. 

For every step forward they seemed to take two steps back. Luke was determined to keep trying though. “Good sandwich,” he said in between bites.

“Maybe I should be working at Subway rather than Starbucks.”

“You’re definitely more the barista type. My coffee from Java isn’t quite the same when you don’t make it.”

“Jeff makes a pretty good cup of coffee.”

“Jeff quit last month and moved to upstate New York. He got a job at some company—ELQ I think. He’s working in their finance department.”

Noah stopped mid-bite. “Really? I had no idea.”

“I only found out right before he was leaving.”

“Good for him.”

“Yeah…seems like everyone is moving away to live out their dreams.” Luke regretted the sentence as soon as it left his mouth. 

Another two steps back.

“Some people don’t have to leave to pursue their dreams,” Noah said, meeting Luke’s gaze. “I read the articles you wrote for the _Oakdale Times_.”

“You did?” Luke was floored that this was the first he was hearing about this.

“Yeah. Both were really good.”

Luke ducked his head, a bit embarrassed. “Thanks.”

“I still read the _Times_ online. I guess you can’t take the Oakdale out of the boy. This is home to me. Anyway, I was surprised to see your name on the byline of the article about the neuro wing opening. You never said anything about it.”

“You never told me that you read it.”

“Because you never told me that you were writing again.”

“It’s not like we were really telling each other much of anything.”

“I didn’t know what to say to you,” Noah quietly admitted. “Sometimes I still don’t.”

“I’m still me.”

“And I’m still me.”

Maybe that was their problem. Luke didn’t know Noah anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke and Noah decided to wait until later to dig into Emma’s pumpkin pie. Both were too stuffed after their meal. Together they cleaned up and put away the food. Luke rinsed the dirty plates and put them into the dishwasher while Noah wiped down the table. Round two was looming. 

Armed with fresh bottles of water, they resumed their seats on the sofa. Luke said a silent prayer that Noah wouldn’t walk out of his life after hearing how things transpired with Reid. Even though Noah and he were broken up at the time, Luke knew it was going to hurt Noah to hear the things Luke was going to tell him. Luke wasn’t proud of some of his actions. Period.

“I…uh…believe we left off with you in Dallas with Reid where nothing happened,” Noah said, setting the water bottle on a coaster on the coffee table. 

Luke glanced down at his lap. “That’s not entirely true.”

Noah’s hackles rose. “What happened?”

“He kissed me.” Noah shut his eyes as he slowly shook his head. Luke quickly continued before Noah could go into a full blown Chernobyl style meltdown. “I was shocked. It was something that wasn’t expected nor encouraged.”

“But it still happened.”

“Yes.” Luke swallowed. “And it left me really confused. Here I thought he hated me and then he was kissing me after he got the news that he was reinstated. Reid told me that he wanted to do it for a long time. When we returned to Oakdale he made his intentions clear.” 

“No wonder why he made those stupid rules.”

Luke had also thought about the true origins of Reid’s rules of conduct for Noah’s care. But as his relationship with Reid progressed, he chose to push those thoughts aside. He didn’t want to think that Reid would have intentionally sabotaged Luke’s relationship with Noah so he could have Luke for himself. “Yeah, I suppose it might have been a possibility.”

“So that was the beginning then?”

“I was just so confused, Noah. Reid told me that I didn’t deserve to be treated badly by you. He said the accident wasn’t my fault. Finally, someone wasn’t putting the blame on me. I needed to hear that I wasn’t a horrible person.” 

“I never said you were horrible. I was hurting so badly, Luke. I needed to lash out at someone and you happened to be the one.”

Luke nodded. “I get it, but it still didn’t make it easy for me. I was at such a low point when the kiss happened. I was flattered that Reid wanted to be with me,” he admitted. “This handsome, world renowned surgeon wanted me. I hadn’t felt that in a long time. I was flattered and excited, but I was still very much in love with you.”

“A mere college student who was blind. No contest there,” Noah sarcastically replied.

“You didn’t want me, Noah. I’d been pushed away and rejected by you for months. How was I supposed to feel?”

“I know. I made my bed. I just didn’t expect you to take up with my doctor,” Noah said, his emotions were starting to get the better of him. “You know, I thought it was weird that you answered his phone the day before my surgery. Now I know why he was suddenly _Reid_ and not Dr. Oliver.”

“Nothing was happening.”

“No, you were starting to fall for him. He was telling you how awful I was, trying to get you into bed, which he had no fucking right to do. He was my doctor, who was supposed to be looking out for my best interests, not stealing you.”

“You make it sound so sinister.”

Noah pinched his nose, taking a minute to collect himself. Luke could see that he was on the verge of losing it, not that he blamed him. “I’m trying very hard not to speak ill of Reid, because without him I’d still be blind. And I’m sorry that he was killed in that car accident. But with that said, I can’t forgive his part in first driving and then keeping us apart. It was wrong to make a play for you while I was still under his care.”

“I know.”

“This is all just so fucked up.”

“It gets worse,” Luke said quietly. There was still so much that Noah didn’t know. Luke was tempted to keep it that way, because if Noah knew all of it he just might walk out the door and never look back. Not telling Noah now would be a huge mistake because it would always be hanging over Luke’s head like an anvil threatening to fall.

Noah paled. “How can it get worse?”

Luke took a deep breath, steadying himself for the absolute worst. “Did you know that you went into cardiac arrest after the fireworks exploded?”

“No, no one told me.”

Tears welled in Luke’s eyes. “I thought you were going to die. I stood there watching while the paramedics performed CPR on you. Those were some of the worst moments of my life.” 

“I had no idea,” Noah murmured.

“And then, when you were at the hospital, they were refusing to operate on you because no one had the authority to authorize it. I was going out of my mind. I tried calling your Aunt Ruth but I couldn’t get a hold of her. We were desperate. Something needed to be done.”

“So that’s how I became your temporary brother.”

Luke nodded. He’d rather forget those few months when he and Noah had legally been siblings. Talk about some fucked up circumstances. “And when you woke up I was so relieved that you were okay.”

“But I wasn’t, I was blind.”

“But you were _alive_ which to me was all that mattered because I’d already come so close to losing you forever.”

“What does this have to do with you and Reid?” Noah cautiously asked.

“I don’t know if you are aware that there were complications when Reid operated on you. There was unexpected hemorrhaging,” Luke explained, voice straining as he fought to keep from breaking down. To this day, talking about how Noah could have died was still difficult. He was transported to a time where he’d felt helpless and terrified. “Reid explained that there was a chance you had sustained brain damage. I was beside myself, Noah.”

Noah reached out, taking Luke’s hand, lacing his fingers through Luke’s. “I wish I would have known. I can’t imagine…”

“After I got some air and tried to calm down, I went to Dr. Bob to get an update on your condition. He told me that he’d sent Reid home to get some rest. I was livid—how could Reid be home when there was a chance that you could be a vegetable. He didn’t have the right to kick back and relax as if nothing had gone wrong.”

“What did you do, Luke? I know you, you did _something_.” 

Luke slowly nodded. “I did. I hunted him down at Katie’s and just went off on him again. I blamed Reid for intentionally trying to hurt you because of his feelings for me. The entire time I was so, so scared that you’d die and if you died, I didn’t know I…” Tears streamed down Luke’s face as he gasped for air. 

“I didn’t.” Noah squeezed his hand. “I woke up and everything was okay. It took some time, but I got my sight back.”

“But I didn’t think it was going to happen. I went to the worst case scenario. I was freaking out. Before I realized what was happening, Reid was there comforting me—kissing me…” Luke glanced away from Noah.

Noah dropped Luke’s hand, springing to his feet. “What?”

Luke buried his face in his hands. “I was terrified. I needed to feel safe. I just needed to fucking feel something.”

“What stopped you from fucking him? Something stopped you or was he the one who put the brakes on?”

Luke looked up at him. “It was me. It didn’t feel right. I was still in love with you and you were in the hospital. I just couldn’t do it. I went right back to the hospital and stayed there until you woke up. You did and you were still you. It was a miracle.”

Noah began to pace the room. Luke watched him unsure if he should say something or let Noah process this latest bit of information. Noah finally stopped and turned to him. “Did you come back out of guilt?”

Luke vehemently shook his head as he rose to his feet. “No, it wasn’t guilt. It was love!” He tentatively touched Noah’s arm. “I felt horrible about what almost happened with Reid. I wasn’t myself. I was out of my mind with worry. You’ve got to believe me!”

Noah stepped away from Luke. “I knew something was off with you when I woke up, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.” He walked back and forth behind the sofa. “I thought it might be something that I did. Never would I have believed you almost fucked my doctor while I was in ICU. Never.”

“Well, I never would have thought you’d go running to Maddie and try to get her to sleep with you while I was lying paralyzed in a hospital bed, but you did!”

Noah stared at him, mouth open, eyes wide as saucers. “You forgave me for that, Luke. I wasn’t thinking. I was…”

Luke slowly walked toward him. “You’re right. You weren’t thinking, Noah. You were petrified. Your world had just been turned upside down. The same as mine had been when you were hurt. And, yes, I did forgive you because I knew you weren’t in your right mind at the time.”

“I told you after it almost happened. I didn’t try to hide it.”

“And I’m telling you now. I never wanted to hurt you, Noah. You have to believe that.”

“You didn’t think carrying on with my doctor would hurt me?” Noah slowly shook his head. “That day up on the hospital roof I knew something was wrong. I don’t understand why you just didn’t tell me what was going on then. I gave you so many chances to just tell me…”

Luke wrapped his arms around his chest. “I wanted to. It was tearing me apart inside.”

“Not so much that it made you stop lying to me.”

“Reid said if I told you what was going on between us it would be detrimental to your recovery. He said that you might not fully regain your sight and I couldn’t chance that happening to you. I would’ve never forgiven myself.”

Noah snorted. “Of course he told you that it would be harmful to my health. He wanted you for himself and he knew exactly how to get you. Scare the crap out of you. And then when your secret finally came out our relationship would be damaged which is exactly what happened.”

Looking back on the situation now it was easy to see that Luke had been manipulated. Maybe if he’d been in a better frame of mind he would have realized it. But he was still so worried about Noah’s health and confused as to how to deal with the feelings Reid had stirred in him. 

“I know,” Luke replied unable to meet Noah’s eyes. “You must hate me now. And I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

Noah strode over to him, placing his hands on Luke’s shoulders. “I don’t. You weren’t the only one who made mistakes. I played my part in this whole ordeal. Right now, I’m just trying to wrap my head around everything you’ve told me so far. It’s a lot to take in.”

“I think Reid always knew that he was second choice,” Luke murmured.

“Why do you say that?”

“After you rejected me at Yo’s, I went to Reid. He wasn’t happy to discover that he wasn’t my first choice, so he sent me away.”

“Sounds to me like you wanted to be with him all along,” Noah ground out.

“I didn’t want to be alone, that’s why I went to him. I knew he wanted me and god knows how much I needed to feel desired back then.”

“Obviously he changed his mind.”

“Yeah.”

Noah sat down on the sofa and ran his fingers through his hair. “There are still some things I just don’t understand, Luke.”

Luke sat next to him, keeping ample distance between them. “Like?”

“After he died, you had this laundry list of things you never did together. I was floored that there was so much stuff you didn’t do. Basic boyfriend things.”

“Reid was a very busy man. He was always at the hospital which is why I worked on the hospital board. It gave me a way to be near him.” Luke snorted. “I was basically at his beck and call. And being by his side made me feel important which was something I really needed then.”

Noah picked up his water bottle that was on the coffee table and drank the rest of the water in it. He nervously tapped the empty plastic bottle. “You said that it was your choice to wait to make love to Reid. Why did you want to wait?”

“Because of you,” Luke quietly admitted. “I wasn’t over you. I still associated making love with you and when it came down to it being intimate with someone else felt like I was betraying you.”

“How did he feel about waiting?”

“He wasn’t happy, but he respected my choice. I think he was probably frustrated that all we did was kiss, but I wasn’t ready for anything more. I would bring up your name a lot when we were together. I couldn’t help it. You were such a big part of my life for so long.” Luke sighed. “I think deep down Reid knew I wasn’t over you. Both of us were stubborn so we were determined to make it work.”

“But I asked you for another chance, Luke. If you weren’t over me, then why didn’t you just end it with him and come back to me?”

“You really hurt me—cut me to the core—when you pushed me away. I was afraid that if we got back together it would happen again. I wouldn’t have been able to—no—there was no way I could have dealt with it another time.”

“Do you think you guys would still be together if—”

Luke had often asked himself that same question. “I don’t know. We had differing views on some key issues—namely family. He wasn’t a ‘let’s get together for family dinner’ kind of guy. He’d much rather avoid people.” Luke smirked, remembering Reid’s declaration that he wasn’t Noah. “He told me that he wasn’t the warm and fuzzy type. He would probably forget my birthday and work through Christmas. We probably weren’t built for the long haul. I kept trying to make him into something he was not which isn’t something you do when you’re with somebody.”

“You helped me when I was struggling with my sexuality.”

“That was different. Your issue was hindering you from really being yourself. Reid’s was his personality. He could be rude, self-centered, apathetic, but he was also brilliant. I shouldn’t have been trying to change him to be something he wasn’t. But trying to mold him into this other version of himself made me feel needed,” Luke explained. Noah must think he was quite pathetic at this point. His desire to feel needed was an ongoing issue during this ordeal. It was one of the things he most needed to fix about himself.

Noah rested his head on the back of the sofa, blowing out a long breath as he stared up at the ceiling. “This has been so difficult,” he admitted. “The past year was probably the worst in my life.”

Luke was a bit surprised, knowing some of the hell Noah had been through growing up with the Colonel. He knew a little about some of the abuse both physical and mental Noah had endured. “Really? I would have thought living with your father was the worst.”

“Growing up I didn’t really know what it was like to be loved,” Noah said quietly, his eyes meeting Luke’s. “I didn’t know how it felt until I met you. To have a love so special taken away…” Noah squeezed his eyes shut. 

Luke reached out, resting his hand on top of Noah’s. “I never stopped loving you.”

“You told me that we weren’t right for each other.”

“I only said it because I was so pissed that you were moving to LA. I wanted to hurt you, just like you had hurt me.”

“It worked.”

“I’m not proud of it. I’m sorry I hurt you.” Luke snaked his fingers through Noah’s, praying that Noah wouldn’t pull his hand away. Noah didn’t.

“I’m sorry too. I wrongly expected you to just resume our relationship after I got my sight back. And we were broken up when things started to happen with Reid so it wasn’t like you cheated on me, but it still stung just the same.”

“You were always my first choice. I wanted to try to give us another chance, but I messed it up so badly.”

Noah rubbed his thumb against Luke’s hand. “It wasn’t easy to hear, but I have a better understanding of why you made some of those choices. I guess the question now is ‘now what?’.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised that you’re still here.”

Noah swallowed. “It wasn’t easy, but I love you. I don’t know if I have the right to ask this.” His eyes met Luke’s as if searching for permission to continue. “I want another chance with you. We had something so special. In the months we’ve been apart I’ve realized just how much so.”

“I never stopped loving you or, more importantly, being in love with you,” Luke confessed. Noah’s eyes lit up at his declaration. Now came the tricky part. “Before I can get involved with you again I need to learn how to stand on my own two feet. Somewhere along the way I became too dependent on other people for my happiness and self-worth. You became my entire world, Noah, so when it was taken away from me I was devastated. I can’t go back to that.”

“I wouldn’t want you to.”

“I need my independence.”

Noah chuckled ruefully. “I knew that would come back to haunt me.”

“I didn’t say that to hurt you.”

“I know.” Noah squeezed Luke’s hand. “I also understand what you’re saying. And I think you’re off to a good start—living here, doing some writing—those are good things.”

Luke smiled. “I think so.”

“Luke, I told you that I’d wait for you. And I will, for as long as it takes you to feel ready to try again.”

Luke threw his arms around Noah, hugging him tightly just as he had countless times before. He buried his head in the familiar crook of Noah’s neck. “Thank you.”

“You’re worth the wait, Snyder,” Noah said, rubbing Luke’s back. “So worth it.”  
 


	7. Chapter 7

Noah went balls to the wall. Aaron would have been proud. No matter how much it hurt or how difficult it was to hear about Luke and Reid he forced himself to sit and listen. Noah had a better understanding of Luke’s state of mind. Both had been in bad places after Noah’s accident. 

Finding out that he almost died—twice—had rattled Noah. He had no clue. Knowing this bit of information helped him put a much better perspective on some of Luke’s behavior after the accident. If it had been Luke that almost died, Noah was quite certain he would have gone off the deep end. One of the toughest pills for Noah to swallow was learning that Luke had almost had sex with Reid while he was still in ICU after his surgery. The thought of anyone else being with Luke made Noah’s blood boil. Noah was the only one who should make love to Luke. There had been extenuating circumstances though. Noah understood that better than anyone since he’d almost done the same with Maddie. And Luke had forgiven him without a blink of an eye. 

Finally, Noah had a sense of peace. Noah still didn’t believe Dr. Oliver had acted ethically by going after his boyfriend, but it was a moot point now. He had said all he needed to say about the issue and, as far as Noah was concerned, it never needed to be brought up again. It was time for them to move on—together.

Their talk yesterday had left them drained. Over some of Emma’s pumpkin pie topped with Reddi Whip, they did a little catching up but were careful to keep things light. They’d had their fair share of heavy to last for quite awhile. Laughing with Luke was one of Noah’s favorite things. They could crack up over the silliest of things—Noah’s enormous piece of pie, the Mt Everest of whipped cream on Luke’s slice. 

They parted with a hug goodbye and the promise of getting together the next day. Luke would come out to the farm to meet Noah. Together they planned on hitting Old Town and possibly meeting up with other friends who were in town for the holiday. Noah had been craving a mochachino from Java since the moment the wheels of the plane touched down on the runway at the airport.

Emma hugged him for the third time that morning. “I’m just so thrilled that you and Luke have worked things out.”

“We’re going to take it slow,” Noah cautioned her. “We want to make sure that we do it right this time.” If it didn’t work out this time around, Noah knew it would be time for both of them to move on, which made him all the more determined that they’d get their happy ending. 

“It will work. I can feel it in my bones,” Emma declared. “You and Luke as well as Lily and Holden were meant to be together. Look at how happy Carly and Jack are now. I don’t think anyone would have given them a chance a year ago.”

“From your mouth to God’s ears.”

“I’ll say an extra prayer tomorrow morning at church.” She patted Noah’s back and allowed him to finish up the last of his breakfast. 

Noah hadn’t planned on telling Emma, or anyone else about the progress he’d made with Luke, but Emma had a way of getting him to confide in her. Before he even realized it, Noah was telling her that he and Luke were taking baby steps in the right direction. Needless to say, Emma was thrilled with the news. Noah hoped that Luke wouldn’t be mad. He wasn’t sure how much of their business Luke wanted the family privy to at this point.

Noah was putting away the last plate from the breakfast dishes when Luke strolled through the door, sporting the dimpled grin that Noah loved so much. He almost seemed like the happy, carefree Luke that he had fallen in love with over three years ago. 

“Hey,” Noah said as he closed the cupboard door. He wanted to greet Luke with a hug, but he held back, allowing Luke to dictate the pace of their newfound relationship.

“Hey.” In three strides Luke was wrapping his arms around Noah, squeezing him tightly. “I’ve got good news.” He untangled himself just enough to gaze up at Noah, his eyes were lit up like a Christmas tree. Noah remembered opening his eyes after the surgery and seeing Luke’s which had been the most beautiful sight ever.

“What is it?” Noah asked, holding Luke at arm’s length. He was never going to take having Luke in his arms for granted again.

“The Editor in Chief from the _Oakdale Times_ left me a message yesterday. He wanted to know if I would be interested in freelancing for them.”

“That’s great, Luke!”

“I’m so excited that they’ve like the work I’ve done enough to give me this opportunity,” Luke said excitedly. “My parents will be thrilled that I have an almost regular job.”

Luke had lost him there. Noah thought Luke had a regular job at Oakdale Memorial. “Wait a minute. You have a job at the hospital, don’t you?”

Luke shook his head. “I resigned a couple of weeks ago. I hated it.”

“You did?

Luke sighed as he took a couple of steps away from Noah. “I basically forced my way onto the board. I told Reid that the foundation would donate money toward his neuro wing only if I could be on the board. I wanted to make sure Reid did your surgery. And I only stayed on the board, because it was a way to be close to Reid since he was always at the hospital.”

“Oh.”

“I decided to quit because I knew I was taking a spot that should be filled by someone a lot more qualified. And I wasn’t happy there. I never really was. You know much I hate hospitals.”

“That’s why I thought it was odd that you were working there.”

“I didn’t want to tell you about the foundation making the denotation because I was afraid you’d get mad at me for butting in.”

“I thought I heard my dear grandson’s voice in here,” Emma declared as she strolled out of the parlor. “It’s so good to see you!” She welcomed Luke with a warm hug. “Have you eaten? I can whip up something for you.”

“I’m good, Grandma. I…uh…came by to pick up Noah.” Luke stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “I’m going to make sure he gets his fix of Java before he heads back to LA.”

The mention of Los Angeles knotted Noah’s stomach into a mess that would take a group of sailors to undo. They hadn’t discussed how they were going to handle the distance that would separate them in a couple of days.

“You boys take your time. There’s no need to rush things,” Emma said.

Luke chuckled. “It’s good to know that Noah doesn’t have a curfew.”

“No curfew, but other rules still apply.” Emma strode out of the room.

Luke turned to Noah. “What was that about?”

Noah looked down at his feet. “She…uh…kinda knows that we’re giving it another go. I hope you’re not too mad at me.”

Luke placed his hands on either side of Noah’s head, forcing their eyes to meet. “I’m not. I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep it quiet for too long.”

“You know your grandma looks so sweet, but she really has a way of extracting vital information. I think the government should consider hiring her.”

“How many oatmeal chocolate chip cookies did it take?”

“Two.”

Luke grinned broadly as he shook his head. “You are such an easy mark.”

“They’re my favorite. It’s been almost a year since I had her cookies. I was weak.”

Luke’s smile faded. “Oh yeah.”

“None of that. No more looking back on the bad things.”

“Let’s get you some coffee from Java. My treat.”

“Is this a date, Snyder?” Noah shyly asked.

“Maybe.” Luke’s smile was back. Noah hoped that it would never leave Luke’s face.

********

Walking into Java with Luke made Noah feel like he was coming home. Countless hours had been spent standing behind the counter, wiping it down until it was pristine. He remembered the stolen kisses he shared with Luke over the counter. The many shifts Luke had spent at one of the tables with his laptop just so he could be spend extra time with Noah.

He immediately recognized the manager on duty, Kayla, but the young man working behind the counter was someone new. “Hi, Kayla,” Noah said as he and Luke approached the counter. 

“It’s so good to see you, Noah!” She came out from behind the counter to welcome him with a hug. “Are you still living in California?”

“Yes, I just came home for the holidays.”

“And you couldn’t stay away from the best coffee house in the city.”

“Not a chance.” Noah grinned.

“What can I get you?” Kayla asked as she headed back behind the counter.

“A mochachino.”

She shook her head. “I thought LA might have broadened your horizons.”

“I like what I like. Why change?”

Luke pulled out his wallet. “I’ll have a caramel latte.”

“With an extra shot of caramel,” Noah added.

“Coming right up,” Kayla said and then went to work making their orders.

“Our table is available,” Luke said. “Why don’t you go grab it? I’ll get our coffees.”

Noah procured their favorite table. He tried not to think about the last conversation they had while they were sitting here. Luke had been so sad. Noah would have given anything to take the pain away. He’d even offered to give up his film opportunity in LA. 

Luke sauntered up to the table, hands filled with coffee mugs. “Here you go.” He handed Noah his coffee and then sat down across from him.

“Thanks.”

Noah remembered how they used to sit across from each other, arms outstretched on the tables, fingers laced together. He itched to reach out to Luke, but forced his hands to remain wrapped around his steaming cup of coffee.

Baby steps.

“Is it just as good as you remembered?” Luke asked after Noah took a sip of the mochachino. 

“Better.” Noah smiled.

Luke set his coffee mug down after he tried his. “No one makes a caramel latte like you did.”

“The secret behind mine was love.”

“That must be why it still tasted so good even while we were broken up.” Noah nodded. Luke took a breath and then continued, “I…uh…heard from Casey last night. He and Alison are in town. He’d love to get together. I told him that we might be able to meet up with them later on.”

“Yeah…that would be great.”

“Really?”

“It’s been way too long since the wolf pack was together.”

“Wolf pack.” Luke snorted. “I’d forgotten about that nickname.”

“I got a text from Maddie last night. She was checking to see if I had come back for Thanksgiving.”

Luke froze just as he was about to take a drink of coffee. “Oh?”

Noah couldn’t get a good read off Luke. He didn’t know if Luke still harbored any ill feelings about the brief time he lived with Maddie while he was blind. Luke had been less than thrilled that Noah was going to be living with his ex-girlfriend even though Noah had insisted the living situation was going to be completely platonic. “She’s still with Hunter.”

“I never really knew him,” Luke replied.

“He’s pretty cool—a bit on the geeky side, but I think that’s part of his charm.”

Luke shrugged. “Maddie has a soft side for geeks.”

Noah stilled. Luke was referring to him, which was beyond ancient history. He didn’t understand why Luke seemed so bothered about it. He opened his mouth to ask, but quickly closed it, not wanting to start an argument. 

“Is she in town?” Luke asked.

“She is and wanted to try to get together if it was possible.”

Luke leaned back in his chair. “A roommate reunion.”

“She wants to see you too, so it would be a WOAK reunion,” Noah diplomatically replied.

“Those were some pretty good times. That is when I didn’t have to watch you two grope each other.”

Noah wasn’t going to rise to Luke’s bait. “What I remember most about that summer was the best first kiss of my life—our first kiss.”

This elicited a shy smile from Luke. “It was pretty incredible.”

They were on to something. Noah raised his eyebrows. “An out of body experience?”

“That was almost every time we made love,” Luke said, looking through his long lashes.

The response shot right to Noah’s groin. Luke was so beautiful and desirable. Noah couldn’t wait to make love to him again. He was going to have that opportunity. There had been a time when Noah believed it would never happen.

“Yeah.”

Luke cleared his throat. “What did you tell Maddie about getting together?”

“That I needed to check things and I’d get back to her.”

“That’s what I told Casey.”

“Maybe we could all get together,” Noah suggested. “We’re all friends. And Hunter is Alison’s brother.”

Luke pursed his lips together. “Should be fine.”

If it should be fine, then how come Noah had an uneasy feeling about this? He quickly dismissed the feeling as they worked together to coordinate a time and place where they could all meet—Al’s for dinner and malts. 

After the finished their coffee, they went for a stroll in Old Town. Not much had changed in the two and a half months Noah had been away. They browsed through a few stores which were crowded with Christmas shoppers trying to take advantage of the sales. It was only fitting when they stopped for a break it was on _their_ bench.

“You haven’t talked a lot about your film,” Luke said, giving Noah a playful nudge.

“There’s not much to tell.”

“Are you being modest?”

Noah sighed. “No, I’m being realistic.”

“What’s the problem?” Luke asked as took Noah’s hand, lacing their fingers together. 

“My script. It’s basically non-existent. I have an idea for the movie, but I’m having a hell of a time writing dialogue. What I’ve managed to write is terrible. I don’t have a way with words.” Noah played with their entwined hands. 

“I think you’re being way too hard on yourself. The script for your senior project was really good.”

“Mason was responsible for polishing a lot of the dialogue and guiding me with the story.”

“I saw the film you shot. It was damn good—award winning good actually.”

“Thanks to you.”

Luke shook his head. “I just followed your detailed script and storyboards. I really shouldn’t have gone behind your back to do that. It was your film. I had no right touching it,” he explained, staring down at their joined hands. “I must have been delusional to think that finishing it would make you happy.”

“I watched what you did with it,” Noah admitted. “It turned out exactly like I had envisioned. Yeah…you shouldn’t have just taken it upon yourself to finish it, but now I’m glad that you did.”

“You’re a great filmmaker, Noah. Whatever you do will be brilliant.”

“If I don’t have a finished script soon there won’t be a film for me to shoot.” Time was ticking on his allotted window to complete his project. Noah had wasted so much time trying to crank out a script that should have been finished by now.

“I could take a look at it if you want.”

Noah perked up. “Could you?”

“Of course! I wasn’t sure if you’d want me near this film after what I did to the last one. Not to mention how much Mason hated the script I gave you to use in the first place.”

“Mason didn’t know what he was talking about. It was a great script.”

“You’re only saying that because you want me to help you with this script,” Luke teased.

“I’m not. Honest. I would love your help,” Noah told him. “I loved working with you on the original film. You were an amazing producer.”

“And a pretty damn good camera guy.”

“The best.” Noah grinned.

“Now you’ll be able to add script doctor to the list.”

Noah hugged him. “Thank you…thank you! You are going to save my film. I brought what I have done with me along with the outline for the story as well as possible locations.”

“Bring them all over to my place tomorrow and we can start working on it.”

For the first time since Noah embarked on his film project, he had hope that it wasn’t going to turn out to be a complete disaster.

********

The look on Casey’s face when he and Alison walked into Al’s was priceless. He stopped dead in his tracks, mouth dropping down to the floor. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” he exclaimed a bit too loudly for a family establishment, but that was part of Casey’s charm. Noah was glad to see that some things hadn’t changed.

“Casey.” Alison smacked his arm, obviously mortified by her fiancé’s remark.

Casey wouldn’t be deterred. “Do you see what I’m seeing? Luke and Noah—they’re here—together. It’s a Christmas miracle at Thanksgiving!”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Alison said as they approached the table Luke and Noah were sitting at.

Casey slid into the chair next to Luke. “Please tell me that you two have finally come to your senses,” he practically begged.

“Well,” Noah began, glancing at Luke so he could be the one to deliver the official statement—whatever it was going to be.

Luke picked up on his subtle hint and with a slight smile he declared, “Noah and I are dating.”

“Hell to the yeah!” Casey exclaimed.

“That’s such great news!” Alison joined in the excitement.

“But we’re taking it slow this time,” Luke quickly clarified. “Very slow.”

“We want to make sure that we get it right,” Noah added.

“Are you going to be staying in Oakdale, Noah?” Casey asked.

“No.”

“Are you going to move to LA?” Alison asked Luke, her voice bubbling with enthusiasm.

Luke shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “No.”

Casey was exasperated. “Then how in the hell are you going to make it work? You can’t date living thousands of miles apart!” 

Noah and Luke glanced at each other. Noah wondered about that fact as well. He wanted Luke with him in LA, but he knew that Luke also needed his space so he could sort things out.

Luke cleared his throat. “Technology is pretty remarkable these days. We’ll call, text, e-mail, Skype…”

“And Christmas is less than a month away.” Noah did his best to sound optimistic. 

“We’re just going to take it one day at a time,” Luke said, taking Noah’s hand.

“Please tell me that the jetlag isn’t messing with my eyes and ears!” a familiar female voice exclaimed. Maddie rushed over to their table, leaving a quite confused Hunter in her wake. “Are you two…?”

Noah smiled. “Yeah…we are.” 

“We’re working on it,” Luke clarified. “Slowly.”

Maddie sat in the empty chair next to Noah. “I’m so happy for you! And you can see now! You’ve got to be thrilled. Have you caught up on all of the movies you missed while you were blind?”

“I’m working on it,” Noah chuckled.

Maddie looked past Noah. “Hunter, come and join us.” She waved him over. 

Hunter shuffled over, taking a minute to say hello to Alison and Casey before sitting next to Luke. Hunter said an awkward hello to Luke and Noah, almost knocking over a water glass as he did so, but Maddie expertly swooped in for the save. 

“Casey and Alison mentioned that you got a grant to do a film in LA,” Maddie said, placing her hand on Noah’s arm, which prompted Luke to let go of Noah’s hand. “I want to hear all about it.”

Noah tried to seek out Luke’s hand, but Luke had moved it to his lap. Luke seemed to be pulling away both physically and mentally since Maddie’s arrival. Noah couldn’t understand the sudden shift. Maddie was their friend. “Luke agreed to help me on the script,” Noah said, hoping that this would draw Luke back in.

“Luke’s going to end up turning into a filmmaker,” Casey chuckled.

Alison piped up. “If I remember correctly, he was pretty handy with a camera.”

“With Luke working on your script it will be just like when we filmed _Invisible Girl_ ,” Maddie declared. She turned to Hunter. “The three of us were interns at WOAK a few summers ago. We had to do a project and Luke came up with such an amazing script. It was so much fun!”

“Isn’t that when you two hooked up?” Hunter asked, motioning between Noah and Maddie. “And then didn’t some guy steal him away from you?”

Luke pushed himself away from the table. “Excuse me…I need some air.” He snatched his coat from the back of his chair and stalked off before anyone could utter a reply.

“Was it something I said?” Hunter asked.

“It’s always something you said,” Alison told him. “Hunter, you need to learn how to be a bit more tactful.”

Casey leaned across Luke’s empty chair and thumped Hunter on the head. “Nice going.”

“I don’t understand.” Hunter looked around the table for some sort of explanation.

“Luke was the guy,” Noah told him. “And he didn’t steal me away.”

“Oh…well, it all worked out, didn’t it?”

“We’re trying.” Noah sighed. “It’s complicated.” He stood up and put on his jacket. “I’m going to go check on him.” He didn’t wait for the group to respond, instead he marched out of Al’s.

Luke was sitting on nearby bench, arms wrapped around his chest. Noah sat down next to him and gave him a playful nudge. “I was afraid that I might find you out here kissing someone’s grandpa.”

“Not funny.” Luke glared at him, which wasn’t the response Noah had hoped for.

“What’s wrong, Luke?”

“Sorry, but you trying to be straight with Maddie just isn’t my idea of the good old times,” Luke scoffed. “Hunter made me seem like some sort of home wrecker.”

“From what I know about him he has a tendency to speak first and ask questions later.”

“You turned to Maddie when you were blind. She could help you, she could live with you, but you wanted nothing to do with me,” Luke said bitterly. 

“It was easier because she wasn’t trying so hard,” Noah explained. “Maddie just let me be me without trying to jump in and fix everything.”

“It hurt seeing you turn to your ex-girlfriend.”

Noah draped his arm around Luke’s shoulders. “I don’t really think of Maddie as my ex-girlfriend. She’s just a friend. I really thought you were over it.”

“I thought so too.” Luke sighed. “Maddie and I used to be so close, but after you and I got together it all changed. Now it’s like we’re polite strangers.”

“It sounds like you two need to talk.”

“Maybe.”

Noah stood up, offering Luke his hand. “Come on, let’s go back inside.”

Luke took it, allowing Noah to lead in back into Al’s so they could rejoin their friends. He shrugged off his coat, draping it across the back of the chair. “Sorry,” he muttered his apology as he sat down.

“Always the drama queen, Snyder,” Casey smirked.

Luke laughed good-naturedly much to Noah’s relief. After they placed their orders, the conversation focused on Casey and Alison adjusting to life in Carbondale. Casey was doing well in school and Alison enjoyed her job at the hospital there. They were planning on a small summer wedding the following year. 

Maddie was thriving at Wesleyan, majoring in Film Studies. Her goal was to teach film at the college level whether it was at Wesleyan or another school. Hunter had secured a job in the IT department at a local accounting firm. Maddie declared that he fit in perfectly with the rest of the geek squad. 

Everyone parted with hugs and promises to keep in touch. Noah sensed there was still a bit of tension between Luke and Maddie, which he hoped would eventually pass. Friends were precious to him, like a rare treasure. Noah had spent most of his life with having very few, which made him appreciate the ones he had now all the more.

Luke pulled his car into the gravel driveway at the farm and shifted into park. “If you wanted to work on your script tomorrow we should probably do it at my place—less interruptions.”

“Good idea.”

“Did you need me to pick you up?”

Noah shook his head as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “No, Emma has offered to let me use one of the farm trucks if I need to go somewhere.”

“Great.”

The tension in the car was slowly building. Noah wasn’t sure how he should act. He wanted to lean over and kiss Luke, but that wouldn’t be taking things slow. “Yeah.”

“So…I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Definitely.”

And just as Noah was about to open his car door, Luke leaned over, hugging him and placing a quick kiss on Noah’s cheek. “I had fun today, despite the bit of drama.”

“Me too.” Noah grinned. “It was a pretty nice first date.”

“Goodnight, Noah,” Luke called after Noah as Noah got out of the car.

Noah stuck his head inside the car. “Goodnight, Luke,” he said, before slamming the door shut.

Noah waved as Luke backed his car out of the driveway. He stood there, watching until he could no longer see the lights from Luke’s car. They had taken the next step to rebuilding their relationship. While their first date wasn’t perfect, it was the start they needed.


	8. Chapter 8

Luke was putting his favorite coffee mug in the cupboard when there was a knock on the door. He glanced at his wristwatch—the one Noah had given him for Christmas almost two years ago. It was only nine thirty. He wasn’t expecting Noah until later so this was a pleasant surprise.

Running his fingers through his hair for a quick primp job, Luke marched out of the kitchen to answer the door. “You’re earl—” the word died in his throat when he discovered Maddie—not Noah—standing on the porch.

“Surprise,” she said brightly. The smile plastered on her face didn’t quite reach her eyes though. Something was up.

“Surprise indeed,” Luke admitted. “I was expecting Noah.”

“I hope you’re not too disappointed.”

Just majorly confused, but Luke quickly shook it off, hoping that Maddie wouldn’t pick up on it. “Come in,” he said, stepping aside so she could enter. Once she was inside the cottage, Luke took her coat and hung it up while she surveyed her surroundings.

“The place looks great,” she said, slowly turning in a circle so she could take it all in. “I haven’t been here since Will and Gwen rented it.”

Back when Maddie was dating Noah. 

Luke pushed the thought from his mind. It was ancient history. If he could finally put Noah marrying Ameera behind him, he should very well be able to do the same with his issues regarding Maddie.

But it was different. So fucking different. Maddie had been one of his closest friends.

“Thanks,” Luke said. There was a bit of an edge in his voice, which he hoped went unnoticed by Maddie.

“It feels like it’s been ages since we’ve really talked.”

Luke turned to her, arms folded across his chest. “That’s because it has been. I barely saw you when you were last in town. But—” he stopped himself, not wanting to get into a pissing match. 

Maddie tilted her head. “But what?”

“No…never mind.”

“No, Luke. You’ve been mad at me and I need to know why.”

Luke sighed. “I think we better sit down.”

Maddie frowned as she sat down on the sofa. “Now I’m really worried,” she muttered.

“We used to be really close. You were one of my best friends. We had each other’s back.” Luke pursed his lips as he pondered the best way to continue.

“And then Noah came along,” Maddie supplied. “I had no idea how you felt about him. If I’d known…well…things would have been different. Obviously I had no idea he was gay. I don’t understand why you didn’t confide in me, Luke. We were so close, but for some reason you felt you couldn’t confide in me.”

“I thought he was straight. When I told Jade about my crush on Kevin, she ended up telling him how I felt about him. It ruined my friendship with Kevin, which in the end was no great loss, but it certainly felt like it at the time.” Luke still cringed when he remembered how Kevin reacted to the news that he was gay and had feelings for him. It had been Luke’s worst nightmare at the time, being rejected by his best friend, the object of his first crush.

“I would never have done that to you,” Maddie insisted. “I would have kept your secret. And what happened in Branson probably wouldn’t have happened. If for some crazy reason Noah and I still had slept together, it certainly wouldn’t have continued. Looking back on it now, we both knew it was a mistake. I was still in love with Casey and Noah was…well…gay. I should have figured out that you had a thing for Noah, but I was too wrapped up in my world to see it. Actually, to see a lot of things that should have been crystal clear.”

“You guys seemed so happy. I wasn’t going to spoil it.”

“Understandable.” Maddie nodded. “But this can’t be what has been bothering you, Luke. You ended up with Noah, not me.”

“For awhile…until it all fell apart…” A lump formed in Luke’s throat as it all came rushing back to him—the accident, the guilt, Noah pushing him away, Luke breaking up with Noah, and Noah seeking help from Maddie instead of him. 

Luke’s eyes started to water. Damn it. He did not want to cry.

Maddie reached out, touching Luke’s arm. “It’s okay now. You found your way back to each other.”

Luke wiped his eyes. “I don’t know if Noah ever told you that he blamed me for the accident. He pushed me away. There wasn’t anything I could do right except bring Reid into town to try to restore Noah’s eyesight and then even that came back to haunt us.”

“Noah said you were the one who broke up with him.”

“That’s because he wouldn’t let me be there for him. All I wanted to do was help him.” 

“Noah needed to do things on his own and not feel coddled.”

“Noah let you help him,” Luke scoffed. “He talked to _you_. He was going to be _your_ roommate. You could do no wrong with him and I could do no right. Once again, I got to watch you two be best buddies while I was relegated to the sidelines. Never once did you try to contact me to hear my side or ask me how I felt about my boyfriend moving in with his ex-girlfriend.”

“Luke, I had no idea this was how you felt. None. I swear.”

“How could you think I would be remotely okay with any of it?”

“I just assumed…”

“You assumed wrong. Very wrong,” Luke told her. “There was a time when you two were sleeping together. God only knows if—”

Maddie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t even go there, Luke. How dare you think that I might sleep with Noah again?!? He’s gay, Luke.”

“It didn’t stop him before!”

“Noah was denying his sexuality back then. He was terrified of his father. Those were entirely different circumstances.” Maddie shook her head sadly. “I can’t believe you’d think that I would do that to you, Luke. Noah certainly wouldn’t do it either.”

Okay…maybe thinking that Noah and Maddie might fall into bed because they were roommates was a little irrational. However, he still had the right not to be happy about the situation. Maddie was his friend first. Shouldn’t she have had some sort of allegiance to him?

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Luke asked. “I needed a friend too! I was so alone, feeling so useless and rejected.”

“You could have reached out to me, Luke,” Maddie countered. “It goes both ways. You can’t put this all on me.” Tears spilled down Maddie’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I should have known that you had to be hurting as well.”

“You have no idea.”

Maddie sniffed. “I really messed up.”

Luke hated to see her cry. “You’re not the only one,” he said, draping his arm around her. “I’ve stopped counting how many mistakes I’ve made.”

“I promise to be there for you from now on—that is, if you want me to be.”

Luke hugged her. “Of course I do. I’ve missed you so much. We used to have some really good talks.”

“We did. And we will again.”

They took a minute to compose themselves. Luke was relieved to finally clear the air with Maddie. He hadn’t realized just how much resentment he’d harbored. 

Maddie was in the middle of telling him about her first date with Hunter when there was a knock on the door. This time Noah was standing on the other side with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

“Hey,” Noah said, stepping inside. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the script and—” He stopped when he noticed Maddie sitting on the couch. “Hi, Maddie.”

Maddie stood up. “Hi and bye. I really need to get going.”

“Don’t leave on my account,” Noah said.

“You’re welcome to stick around,” Luke added.

“I need to meet Henry and Barbara for lunch at the Lakeview,” Maddie told them. “I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around that one. I never would have put those two together, but they seem to complement each other perfectly.” The corner of her mouth quirked up. “Reminds me of two other people I know.”

Luke’s cheeks flushed as he helped Maddie put on her coat. “I’m glad you stopped by.”

She turned and gave him a big hug. “Me too…me too.” Then she hugged Noah and whispered, “Take care of each other.”

“We will.”

With one last wave, Maddie let herself out the door. 

“Is everything okay?” Noah asked as set his bag on the floor and he slipped out of his coat.

“It is now,” Luke murmured. 

“I feel like I walked in on the last fifteen minutes of a movie.” Noah hung up his jacket and picked up his messenger bag. “You know how I hate missing any part of a movie.”

“I know…you can’t even miss a single coming attraction,” Luke teased.

“Trailers are just as important as the movie.”

“Speaking of movies…we should probably get to work on yours,” Luke said, sauntering over to get his laptop out of its bag.

Noah raised his eyebrows. “Are you trying to change the subject, Snyder?” 

“Here’s the Cliff’s Notes version—Maddie and I talked. Everything is okay now.”

“Just like that?”

Luke set his laptop on the table, shrugging a shoulder to downplay it. “Well...there were some tears.”

“But you guys are good?” Noah set his laptop across from Luke’s, eyeing him warily.

“Yes, we are. I should have never let it get to that point, but I haven’t exactly been thinking rationally this past year.”

Noah chuckled. “Who has been?”

Luke grinned. He’d really missed Noah just getting him, quirks and all. “I believe you have a script to show me.” He sat down at the table.

“It’s not much.”

“I’m sure you’re being way too hard on yourself,” Luke said. Noah had a tendency to be very critical when it came to himself. Luke blamed the Colonel for it, since Noah’s father never gave him the love and support any child needed while growing up.

Noah opened his laptop and turned it on. “Not this time,” he replied. Once the computer was booted up, Noah opened the file for his script and then slid the laptop in front of Luke.

Luke scanned the document. Well, what little there was of it. Slowly he shook his head and looked up at Noah who was looking over Luke’s shoulder. “Damn…you were right, about the quantity anyway. We’ve got our work cut out for us, but I can see what you’re trying to do.”

“Told you.” Noah sat down in one the empty chair next to Luke.

“Let’s get to it.” Luke rubbed his hands together, looking forward to the challenge.

********

The table was littered with the remains of the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers along with a few empty cans of Coke, crumpled pieces of paper, and a couple of stray pens. They’d been hard at work on _Don’t Ask_ for hours. Luke loved the title and concept, but agreed the dialogue was in dire need of polishing.

Luke had so many great ideas. Together they hashed them out, figuring what would work and what wouldn’t. When Luke wasn’t scribbling down notes, he paced the floor with a pen tucked behind his ear as he brainstormed through an idea. Seeing Luke firing on all cylinders was quite a turn on. Noah had forgotten what a rush it was to work together creatively. He missed seeing the sparkle of creation in Luke’s eyes. He hadn’t seen Luke on such a creative high since they worked together on his ill fated senior project—the one that burned in Snyder Pond.

“You’re pretty amazing,” Noah said, staring at Luke as he circled the sofa for the second time.

Luke paused mid-step. “What?”

Noah turned in the chair so he could get a better look at Luke. “You—you’re so talented, Luke. You need to be doing more than articles for the _Oakdale Times_. You should write a book or a short story—something. You’ve got a gift and I’ve been lucky to benefit from it, because without your help my script would be a mess.”

“Noah…” A blush crept to Luke’s cheeks.

“I’m seriously in awe with what you’ve done so far.”

“ _We’ve_ done, Noah.” Luke walked over to him. “The story idea was yours. You’ve got the perfect picture of what you want to do in your head. I’m just doing my best to help you put it into words.” He rested his hand on Noah’s shoulder. Noah took it, linking their fingers together. Luke squeezed. “You’re pretty damn amazing. I can’t wait to see the finished film.”

“That’s still a long way off.” Noah kissed Luke’s hand before relinquishing it. “I only have a half of a script. Tomorrow morning I’ll be on my way back to LA.” 

Luke slumped into the empty chair next to Noah. “Yeah.”

They hadn’t broached how they would tackle the distance that would be between them in twenty-four hours. Noah hated the thought of going back to LA alone, but he knew better than to ask Luke to come with him. Luke still needed some time and space. 

“I…uh…hope you’ll still help me.”

Luke’s mood immediately brightened. “Of course. I’m in this with you until the end.”

Noah hoped Luke meant the very end, not just the end of his script. “I’m counting on it. We’ve accomplished a lot.” Not only did he and Luke get a lot done on his script, they also made huge strides toward the future—a future together. 

“Are you ready to get back at it?”

Noah glanced at his watch, discovering that it was later than he thought. Damn. He didn’t want to leave Luke, but he didn’t have a choice. His flight back to Los Angeles was early the next morning and he still needed to pack his suitcase. Noah absolutely dreaded having to say the next words. “Actually, I need to go.”

“Oh.” Luke stood up and turned his back to Noah, wrapping his arms around his chest.

Noah took a deep breath as he rose from the chair. “This isn’t going to be goodbye, Luke. You’ve got to know that.”

Nodding, Luke turned to face him, his eyes wet. “I do, but it still doesn’t make this any easier.”

“I know.” Noah slowly approached him. “I’ll be back for Christmas though.”

Luke forced a smile. “It’s less than a month away.”

Tentatively Noah touched Luke’s face, afraid that Luke might pull away from him, but he didn’t. Luke gazed at him, his eyes questioning Noah’s intentions; however he didn’t say a thing. Noah’s fingers caressed Luke’s cheek. “When I was blind I was terrified that I’d forget what you looked like. It was one of my biggest fears,” he confessed, his voice starting to waver. “I thought you were so beautiful the first time I saw you. It scared me to death. I couldn't be gay, so I tried hard not to fall for you. But you made it impossible. I loved you way before I was able to say it out loud…” 

The urge to kiss Luke was strong, but Noah fought it. He couldn’t pounce on Luke even though his body was screaming at him to do it. Taking it slow meant just that. He was determined not to fuck things up with Luke by pushing him when he wasn’t ready for the next step. Noah traced his fingertips over Luke’s bottom lip. Luke parted them, allowing a shuddering breath to escape. “Noah…”

“I loved you then. I love you now.” Noah took a deep breath, fighting to keep the tears that were threatening at bay. “I’ll love you forever.” 

Luke kissed Noah’s cheek and hugged him tightly—one of those all-out clinging Luke Snyder hugs he loved so much. He fit so perfectly in Noah’s arms. Noah rubbed Luke’s back as Luke gripped him. “Love you,” he sniffed.

Noah didn’t want to let Luke go, but it was getting late. The longer he stayed the more difficult it was going to be to leave. He reminded himself that this wasn’t the end for them. He kissed the side of Luke’s head. “So how many days until Christmas?”

“Twenty-six.” Luke blinked up at him.

“A walk in the park.”

Luke played with the hair at the nape of Noah’s neck. “Gives me plenty of time to find you the perfect Christmas present.”

“I’ve already got it in my arms.”

“Text or call me when you make it safely back to LA.”

“I’ll call.”

Luke smiled, his eyes still wet with unshed tears. “See you soon.”

“You can count on it,” Noah promised. And then he forced himself to let go of Luke and walked to the door before he completely lost it. 

“Thanks for being patient and waiting for me, Noah,” Luke called after him.

Noah stopped and looked over his shoulder. “You were always worth the wait.”

The tears Noah had kept in check finally fell as Noah closed the door between them and headed down the walk. Leaving Luke behind was difficult, but not as difficult as it had been back in September. This time he knew for certain he had a promising future with Luke. Noah was going to cling to that fact to get him through the next twenty-six days.


	9. Chapter 9

Five days had passed since Noah returned to Los Angeles. Luke cried for hours after Noah left. He knew he was being silly, especially since he’d see Noah at Christmas, but watching Noah walk out the door still hurt. Luke had this irrational fear that he might never see Noah again. After all, Reid had said goodbye to him and then got into that terrible accident. 

Loneliness overwhelmed him, so much so that he was, once again, the scared, insecure, mess that had made one bad choice after another. But Luke was determined that this time he wouldn’t revert back to his old ways. He was stronger than that. 

After Luke calmed down, he grabbed his journal and wrote, which left him feeling much calmer. The phone call from Noah that came the next day also did wonders for his disposition. They’d been in contact daily since then, whether it was something as short as a text or a lengthy Skype session that entailed working on Noah’s script.

Luke had also been keeping busy with a few assignments he’d gotten for the _Oakdale Times_. He’d covered a city council meeting that made the hospital board look like a tea party and a house fire that had left him close to tears after hearing the family’s terribly sad story of how they’d lost everything, including their cat in the fire. Both stories earned him praise from the editor. His next assignment was later on that evening—the first varsity basketball game of the season for Oakdale High School. Luke hadn’t been in the gym since the last game he played in his senior year. 

With every day that passed Luke felt more confident, more like the boy Noah had fallen in love with and a lot less like the Luke Snyder that tried to steal a student election or the one who’d resorted to blackmail to get his way. Luke tried not to dwell on the past. He’d owned up to his mistakes and was moving forward. 

Luke tightened his scarf around his neck to protect himself from the cold December air as he trekked toward the pond. A light dusting of snow covered the ground, the first of the season. Snow meant that Christmas was coming. Christmas meant that Noah would be home for a visit—a much longer one than Thanksgiving. Noah planned on staying through New Year’s which thrilled Luke. They’d have plenty of time to work on their relationship in person.

A tinge of guilt hit Luke when he reached the pond, which hadn’t been frozen over yet. He hadn’t been there to visit Reid in awhile. His busy schedule played a part in it. Avoidance was another. Reid represented a time in Luke’s life he’d rather forget. It was filled with so much pain which Reid had helped mask. 

Luke didn’t want to totally forget about Reid, but he felt he still needed closure with Reid before he could truly move on with Noah. Sometimes he wondered if it was too soon to try to make things work with Noah. Reid had only been dead three months. 

But three months was longer than their relationship had lasted. Actually, almost double the length of it. 

Luke sighed. He couldn’t deny that being with Noah again felt right. Reid would understand—probably expect it. Luke had spent a lot of time—probably too much—talking about Noah while he was with Reid. 

“Hey, Reid,” Luke said, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. “It’s been awhile. I’m sorry about that.” He closed his eyes, taking a moment to see if he could feel Reid’s presence. His grandma said sometimes she could feel her late husband Harvey watching over her while she was in the barn. Maybe he’d have a similar experience. 

All he felt was the cold, though.

Luke shouldn’t be surprised. The pond wasn’t Reid’s place, it was his. 

Luke gazed at the tranquil water before him. Snyder Pond was beautiful 365 days of the year. No one would ever be able to convince Luke otherwise. It was one of the best places on Earth. “I should never have put some of your ashes here, Reid. This place had no meaning for you. I wasn’t thinking that day. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “Actually, I’m sorry about a lot of things...”

Luke looked up at the cloud covered sky, taking a few minutes to collect his thoughts. “Where should I begin? So much has happened since you died three months ago. Noah was here for Thanksgiving. We talked—a lot. He knows everything. I think it’s fair that you know everything as well. Noah and I are back together. I’m sure this doesn’t come as a surprise. You always knew that I wasn’t over Noah. You might not have said it, but you knew. You were a smart man, Reid. Well, most of the time.” He shuddered as he thought about Reid’s ill fated decision to try to beat a train.

Luke pressed on, determined not to let his emotions get the better of him. “I did love you, just not with all my heart and soul. I held back with you because I wasn’t ready to let go of Noah. I’m sorry about that. It wasn’t fair to you. We didn’t necessarily play fair, though. I blackmailed you to get you to Oakdale so you could restore Noah’s eyesight and you invoked asinine rules to drive Noah and me apart...

“I was determined to make it work with you. It’s the God’s honest truth. As you know, I’m pretty damn stubborn.” Luke paced along the edge of the pond. “Reid, I was floundering way before you came to town. I led you to believe that I had my shit together, but it was far from the truth. I never told you that I wanted to be a writer. Maybe it’s because I had pushed that dream aside when some scarf wearing member of OU’s faculty said a script I wrote wasn’t good enough for Noah’s film project.” Luke chuckled. “I would have loved to throw you and Mason in a room together. That would have been a sight.” The image of Reid and Mason having a showdown was quite amusing. Reid would have had some choice words for the professor and his scarf.

“Sorry. I got a bit off topic. I quit the hospital board because I was on it for all the wrong reasons. I moved out of my mom’s house and am living on my own. I’ve been keeping a journal as well as doing some freelance work for the _Oakdale Times_ which I know you always considered a small town rag of a paper. I’m proud of the work I’ve done for them even if it isn’t hard hitting journalism. I’m also helping Noah with his script. Every day I get a bit more of myself that I’d lost back. It’s a good feeling—no—it’s a _great_ feeling.” 

Luke stopped pacing as a realization hit him like a bolt of lightning. “I want to go back to school.”

Maybe Reid was there, giving him a little nudge in the right direction.

“Not just any school. I want to go to UCLA.”

Luke could almost hear Reid say _“What the hell are you waiting for, Mr. Snyder? Make it happen.”_

“Reid, I know you’d tell me to get on with my life. You were never the sentimental sort,” Luke said, taking a shuddering breath. This was really goodbye. He needed to put Reid behind him in order to move forward with Noah. “Thank you for restoring Noah’s eyesight. You gave him a second chance at his dream. And now I have a second chance with him. I’m not going to fuck it up this time.” Luke wiped his eyes. “Goodbye, Reid.” 

Luke turned on his heel and marched away from the pond, not looking back. A plan was already formulating.

********

Luke sat across the booth at Al’s from his grandmother, who had agreed to meet him there for a milkshake date—something they hadn’t done in years. If there was anyone who would be able to help him with his pie in the sky plan, it was Lucinda Walsh.

“I know I burned some bridges at OU,” Luke said as he unwrapped one of the straws the waitress had left on the table. 

“Burned bridges?” Lucinda peered through her glasses at him. “You annihilated them, my dear boy.”

Luke squirmed in the booth. “Annihilated is a bit strong.”

“You have no idea how hard it was to convince the Dean to give you another opportunity. He was very reluctant, but against his better judgment, he agreed to talk to you.” Lucinda shook her head. “Luke, you didn’t even take a moment to consider his offer to be reinstated. It was an insult.”

“No one asked me what I wanted. Everyone just assumed that I would go back to school and pick up where I left off.”

“You had been happy at Oakdale you before you were expelled.”

“I felt like I was being ambushed.”

“So you rebelled by choosing to work for Damian.”

“Yes,” Luke admitted. In retrospect he wasn’t proud of his choice. He should have realized Damian was playing him against Holden by offering him a position at Grimaldi Shipping. “It was a mistake. I should have gone back to school.”

“Yes, you should have.”

“I want to go back now. I’m ready.”

Lucinda pursed her lips. “I doubt Dean Brewster is going to welcome you back into the fold at Oakdale University with open arms.”

“He doesn’t have to. I want to go to UCLA.”

“California?”

“Yes, I want to start over with Noah,” Luke told her. “I want to finish school, get a job writing, and share my life with Noah again. All I need the Dean to do is expunge my expulsion from my records so I can transfer there.”

“Is that all?” Lucinda drawled. 

“I can show him everything I’ve accomplished since being expelled. I’m prepared to make a case—a strong one.”

Lucinda smiled. “I’m sure you are. I’m proud of you, Luke. You’re willing to meet with Dean Brewster to argue your case and not try to buy him off with a sizable donation to the university.”

“Well…I might get desperate…” 

“You better be pulling my leg, young man,” she warned.

“Yes, I am,” he admitted. The days using money and power to get his way were behind him. He’d played loosely with his ethics for too long, forgetting what he believed in and allowing himself to be manipulated by Damian. His bio dad had a way of justifying the most horrific actions. Luke had been dangerously close to falling into the darkness and forgetting that he was a Snyder, not a Grimaldi.

“Good.” Lucinda took a sip of her strawberry milkshake. “Very good indeed.”

********

The last time Luke waited outside the Dean’s office his life had been turned upside down. He supposed it was only fitting that this was the place to turn it back around. Luke had come armed with a folder filled that held his accomplishments since being expelled from Oakdale University.

The door to the Dean’s office opened and Dean Brewster stepped out, expression stony and unwavering. He didn’t look too please to see Luke. “Mr. Snyder.”

Luke was determined to win the Dean over. If he needed to grovel, then he would. Whatever it took. He stood up and strode over to the Dean, sticking out his hand. “Thank you for seeing me.” 

The Dean shook Luke’s hand and then ushered him inside his office. “I was surprised to hear from you, especially after our last meeting.”

“I’d like to apologize again for my behavior that day. I was ungrateful. You were doing me and my family a huge favor.”

The Dean sat down in the leather chair behind his desk. “What brings you here today?”

Luke took a deep breath. _Calm, humble, remorseful._ All his plans hinged on this very moment. “I realize that I made a terrible mistake when I turned down the chance to return to school. Last summer I didn’t see college as part of my future, but I’ve had a change of heart since then.”

“Luke, the offer to return to Oakdale University is no longer valid,” Dean Brewster replied with a frown.

“I understand, but I want the opportunity to be able to go to a different university. I’d like to ask that my expulsion be removed from my records.”

“Stuffing the ballot box was a serious offense.”

“I know and I’ve been paying for that decision,” Luke told him as he placed the manila folder he brought with him on the Dean’s desk. “The past couple of years have been rough for me. I’ve lost a lot, but I’ve also learned from my experiences. The foundation I created has done a lot of good. It’s helped make sick children’s dreams come true, fought against decimation and bullying. I was a member of the hospital board at Oakdale Memorial. I don’t know if you’re aware of the new neurology wing that opened there, but I was instrumental in getting it planned and built.” He opened the folder, pushing it toward the Dean. “Please take a look. There are articles I’ve written, press releases for the foundation, and a recommendation letter from Dr. Bob Hughes, who was the former Chief of Staff at Oakdale Memorial. This shows some of the positive things I’ve done since being expelled.”

The Dean flipped through the folder, glancing at its contents, his expression still stern and unwavering. Luke held his breath as the Dean examined each piece of paper. Luke’s future was literally in his hands. The urge to offer the Dean a large donation was strong. He could almost hear Damian whispering into his ear how a new scoreboard for the football field might help his cause. Luke held strong, refusing to allow himself to take the easy way out this time.

It felt like an eternity before Dean Brewster reached the last offering—the brochure from the Snyder Pavilion Neurology Wing. Luke was thankful that his grandmother had an extra one since he’d mailed his to Reid’s uncle in Brooklyn. 

The Dean set the pamphlet down and closed the folder. “You’ve been quite busy.”

“I’ve been trying.”

“Luke, I was disappointed when I learned about your part in the election scandal. You were an excellent student. I never would have expected you to resort to cheating. You would have made a good president—much better than that Davis kid. He ended up in prison, didn’t he?”

“Yes, sir. He was convicted of obstruction of justice.”

Dean Brewster shook his head. “It’s a shame.”

“I hope you can see that I’ve used my time away from school well.”

“You have. Luke, I think you’re a good young man who allowed himself to be led astray.” Dean Brewster folded his hands on the desk. “I also think you’ve learned from you mistake and deserve a second chance. Your expulsion will be removed from your records so you’ll be able to transfer to another university.”

Luke breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you so much, sir.” 

He was one step closer to LA. It was time to take another one.

********

Noah’s life in Los Angeles became a whole lot brighter when he returned from his visit to Oakdale. He actually felt as if he was beginning to live his dream. His script was nearly finished thanks to endless Skype sessions with Luke. They managed to work on it whenever their schedules allowed. Seeing Luke’s smiling face on his computer screen always made his day. Thanks to Luke’s help he was able to start to think about the next step which was casting.

“You should cast a straight actor for the lead role.” Luke’s concerned, pixilated face peered at him.

Noah leaned back in his desk chair. “Why do you say that? Don’t tell me that you’re afraid I’ll fall for my star. Luke, you have to know by now that you’re the only one I want.”

“I’m not worried about you. It’s those other guys…” Luke shook his head. 

Noah sighed. “I’m going to cast the best actor for the role—gay or straight.”

“Just keep your eyes open. You seem to attract admirers.”

“Must be my animal magnetism,” Noah chuckled.

“Combine that with your devastating good looks and sweet disposition. No one has a chance around you.”

Luke was exaggerating. It certainly wasn’t like he had a line of eligible men waiting to beat down his front door. Well…at least not that he knew about. Noah hadn’t been actually putting himself out there for consumption. His heart belonged to another. 

“I hope to cast after the New Year,” Noah said, steering their conversation back on track. “I was going to start with UCLA’s Drama School…see if I could find actors there.”

“It’s an amazing script. You shouldn’t have any problem finding people to be in it.”

“I’ll get my crew from the university as well,” Noah added. The students at the UCLA Film School would be more polished than his first rag tag group. But he wouldn’t hesitate trading a film student or two for his favorite producer and camera guy. All Luke had to do was say the word.

But he didn’t. 

“Just think…in a week we won’t have to do this,” Luke said as a smile crept to his lips.

“I’ll be there with you for ten whole days.”

Noah was actually staying at the farm during his visit, but he planned on spending a lot of time with Luke at his place. Christmas Day would be spent with the family at the farm. They’d also made plans to spend New Year’s Eve at Metro with Casey and Alison who’d also be in town for the holidays. 

“Ten days,” Luke repeated, still grinning.

“I’m going to need to do some Christmas shopping as soon as I get there,” Noah warned him. He figured it would be much easier to fight the last minute crowds than try to pack all of his gifts in his luggage.

“We’re in the same boat then. I’m still nowhere near done,” Luke said. “Maybe I should just pick you up at the airport and whisk you straight to Old Town.”

Visions of an airport reunion came to mind—Luke running toward him, arms wide and kissing him passionately. It always looked so incredibly romantic in the movies. “I’d like that. You better let Lucinda know because I believe she plans on sending her limo for me.” 

“Leave Grandmother to me.”

“Gladly,” Noah agreed. Luke had a way with Lucinda that no one else could match. There was no doubt that he was her favorite grandchild. They shared a special bond that no one could come between. “How are you doing, Luke? It seems like whenever we talk it’s always about me and my film.”

“There’s nothing new to report,” Luke said a bit too quickly. “I’m good. You know, same old same old. The Times is still throwing random stories my way.”

“Is that all?”

“That’s all.”

Although Noah wasn’t convinced, he decided not to press Luke. They’d be together in a week and then Noah will hear all about Luke’s activities. “Sounds exciting. Good thing I’ll be coming home to spice things up a bit.”

Luke flashed him a dimpled smile. “Spice would be very nice.” 

Noah loved flirting with Luke. They’d been doing quite a bit of it since he returned to LA. Noah hoped that Luke would be ready for a little more than flirting during his next visit. He desperately needed to kiss Luke.

Soon.


	10. Chapter 10

Luke reread the letter from UCLA to triple check that he wasn’t hallucinating—he’d been accepted into UCLA. More precisely, he’d been accepted into their School of Theater, Film and Television where he’d be studying screenwriting. Luke decided that he wanted to study screenwriting since he enjoyed working on Noah’s script with him. He’d been on edge ever since he submitted his application to the school which had required samples of his work. Since his application was so last minute all Luke had to submit were the scripts from _Invisible Girl_ and _Surprise_ which was the one Luke had given to Noah to use for his student film, but it wasn’t up to par with Mason’s standards. His acceptance was extra sweet since it proved that there hadn’t been anything wrong with that script after all.

Just wait until he told Noah…

_Noah._

Noah had no idea that he applied to UCLA. Luke didn’t tell him because he didn’t want to get Noah’s hopes up. It had been hard not to confide in Noah, especially when Luke’s anxiety started to get the best of him. He managed to stay strong though. Noah was going to be over the moon when Luke told him the good news. 

Actually, Luke’s entire family, beside Lucinda, would be shocked. His mom would probably try to talk him out of moving so far away. She’d protested when he moved to the cottage which was only a couple miles away. The rest of the family would be supportive, especially his dad. Holden had always wanted him to return to school. He had wanted Luke to get the college education he never could. 

Luke tucked the letter into his coat pocket and glanced up at the airport monitor. Noah’s flight was going to be on time so he should be there shortly. Soon they would be living in the same state again. There was so much to plan between now and his move to Los Angeles. 

Luke’s phone barked (the tone had grown on him so he didn’t switch it back). Grinning, he read the text from Noah.

  
**Just got off the plane. See you in a few.**

Luke’s heart began to race, his mouth was suddenly dry as he nervously waited in the baggage claim area. Anxiously he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Luke’s eyes stayed trained on the escalator that Noah would be coming down in a matter of moments. The tension mounted the longer he waited.

Finally Luke spotted a familiar set of blue eyes. He took a few steps toward the escalator, holding himself back from pushing everyone aside so he could get to Noah. Luke was rewarded with a huge smile when they made eye contact. Noah started maneuvering down the escalator not wanting to wait until his step reached the bottom. As soon as Noah stepped off it, Luke was in his arms, his body crushed into his, nose buried in Noah’s neck, inhaling the spicy aroma he loved so much.

“Luke,” Noah murmured, holding him tightly. “It’s so good to see you.”

“I missed you so much.”

“Same here.”

“Get room,” someone snapped as they passed by.

“Sounds like someone is jealous,” Noah cracked.

Luke giggled and looked up at Noah. “That’s because the hottest guy in the room is obviously taken.”

“He sure is.” Noah gazed at him.

Luke patted Noah’s cheek. “I was talking about you, dork.” 

Noah carefully extracted himself from Luke’s embrace, holding Luke at arm’s length. “I should probably get my suitcase so we can get out of here.”

Three years later, Noah still dodged compliments. Some things probably would never change. Luke allowed him to get away with it—this time. “Good idea. Are you still up for Christmas shopping in Old Town?”

“I’m counting on it,” Noah said, taking Luke’s hand. 

Together they strolled toward the baggage carousel. Luke held Noah’s hand tightly as if he were afraid that Noah would disappear if he let go of it. “You know it’s going to be total insanity there being Christmas Eve and all.”

“Isn’t that part of the fun? You never know what a battle for the last pair of gloves can lead to. Remember _Serendipity_?”

Luke remembered the movie, especially his frustration with the main characters who seemed so ridiculously stubborn. Noah was quick to point out that if they hadn’t been there wouldn’t have been a movie.

“Hoping to run into your soul mate?” Luke asked, cocking his head to one side.

Noah squeezed his hand. “My soul mate is right here.”

“Nice save.”

They stopped walking and Noah turned to him. “It’s the truth.”

“Noah…” 

Before Luke could finish a toddler ran in between them, followed by his frazzled mother. Then Noah spotted his suitcase on the conveyer belt and the moment was lost. Declarations of love and devotion in the middle of the airport weren’t all they were cracked up to be.

********

Old Town was complete chaos, as predicted. Noah was prepared, having made a detailed list of gifts he’d like to purchase. Luke was totally winging it, which was proving to make things difficult because, while Noah made purchase after purchase, Luke was still empty handed.

“Luke, you really need to pull the trigger on something or else you’re going to end up giving a bunch of gift cards this year,” Noah told him as they left Fashions where Noah took care of all the ladies on his Christmas list.

Luke’s eyes lit up. “Gift cards! That’s a great idea!”

Noah draped his arm around Luke, pressing his forehead to Luke’s temple. “You will do no such thing. Not on my watch.”

“I need to be fed then.” Luke sighed as his stomach rumbled. “I can’t shop or even think in such a weakened state.” Okay…it was probably a slight exaggeration, but Luke had been accused of being a drama queen on several occasions so he might was well play the part.

“Let’s see if we can squeeze into Al’s. We can come up with a game plan for you over some burgers and malts.”

They stashed Noah’s packages in the trunk of Luke’s car before heading to the diner. Al’s was just as crowded as the streets of Old Town, but they managed to snag the last two seats at the counter. It wouldn’t have been Luke’s first choice, but a starving man was willing to take the first option presented. Sitting elbow to elbow with Noah wasn’t all that bad either. Luke vowed never to take being close to Noah for granted again. 

“I still don’t see why gift cards are such a horrible idea,” Luke said after they placed their lunch order.

“You are more creative than that, Luke Snyder.”

“I suppose.”

“Now let’s start with your mom.”

“Should I be writing this down?”

“Yes.” Noah flagged down a waitress and asked to borrow an extra pen. “I guess this napkin will do.”

“Let me see if I have anything bigger.” Luke fished through the pockets of his coat which was hanging on the back of his stool. He felt a folded piece of paper inside and pulled it. “I think I—”

“Does that say UCLA?” Noah asked, reaching for the paper.

Fuck. It was his acceptance letter. This wasn’t how Luke had envisioned breaking the news to Noah. “Ahhh…”

Noah snatched the letter from Luke’s hand, his eyes quickly scanning it. “Oh.My.God. Luke!” Noah gaped at him, eyes darting from the letter to Luke and back again. “I can’t…oh my God…”

“I was going to tell you,” Luke sheepishly admitted. “I was just waiting for the perfect moment.”

“Are you really going to go to UCLA?” Noah asked, his eyes so hopeful that it made Luke ache. 

“Yes.” Luke placed his hand on Noah’s arm. “I’ll be out there for the winter semester.”

“That’s only a few weeks away.” Noah still seemed to having a difficult time comprehending that Luke was really going to be moving to California to attend UCLA. 

“Yes, it is. I have a lot of planning to do between now and then.”

The waitress delivered their burgers, which Luke promptly dug into. Noah picked at the French Fries on his plate. Luke could see the wheels turning in Noah’s head. They had a lot to talk about, but first Luke needed to finish his Christmas shopping.

“About that list we were going to make…” Luke cast a sidelong glance at Noah.

Noah handed Luke back the acceptance letter. “We can use a napkin.”

Luke tucked the paper into his coat pocket. “Okay…what should I get my mom—the woman who has everything?”

********

After hours of shopping, Luke managed to cross off everyone on his Christmas list thanks to Noah’s guidance and endless amount of patience. On three separate occasions Luke was ready to give up, but Noah kept him focused. He even managed to convince the lady who had nabbed the last bottle of Justin Bieber’s perfume so Luke could give it to Natalie. His boyfriend was a God send.

_Boyfriend._

Even though they hadn’t really discussed it, Luke just assumed that Noah was his boyfriend. Today it felt as if they’d never broken up. They easily fell back into their familiar banter, laughing and holding hands.

They’d stopped at Java, picking up two coffees to go—a mochachino for Noah and a caramel latte for Luke. The shop was packed to the gills so they sought out an alternative place to enjoy their hot beverages. 

“Look there’s an empty bench,” Luke said, tugging Noah toward it before someone else could claim it.

“Not just any empty bench—our bench.”

Luke grinned, happy that Noah felt the same way about this spot in Old Town. They’d spent countless hours here sharing a coffee from Java, talking, cuddling, and kissing. Luke sat down on the bench and placed his shopping bags next to him on the bench which allowed just enough space for Noah to squeeze in.

Noah laced his fingers through Luke’s. “Why didn’t you tell me that you had applied to UCLA?”

“I was afraid that I might not get in. I didn’t want to get your hopes up only to have them dashed.”

Noah grinned. “Not only did you get in, you were accepted to the Film School of all places.”

“I’m going to study screenwriting.” Luke gazed at him through his long lashes. “You inspired me.”

Noah shook his head, still flabbergasted. “Do you even know how difficult it is to get in there, Luke? It’s insane. I’m so proud of you.”

“I submitted the scripts for _Invisible Girl_ and _Surprise._ You know…that script that Mason hated so much. I guess it wasn’t such a piece of shit after all.”

“Mason never called it a piece of shit.”

“He implied as much.”

“Still a slight exaggeration.”

Luke leaned a bit closer to Noah. “I guess it only proves that Mason wanted to get into your pants from the start. He couldn’t have the boyfriend helping you with your script. He wanted that job.”

Noah frowned. “I guess I should have seen through him from the get-go.”

Luke squeezed Noah’s hand. He didn’t want Noah to beat himself up over not being able to see through Mason’s smokescreen. “You tend to want to think the best about people. And you tend to be totally obvious when someone has the hots for you.”

“Including you.” Noah laughed as he toyed with Luke’s fingers. “I was so clueless that summer. I thought you hated me.”

“Nah.” Luke offered him a shy smile. “I was hopelessly in love.”

Noah took a sip of his mochachino. “A fact that still baffles me to this day since I was such a closeted mess back then.”

“You were still a good man, Noah.” Luke lifted their entwined hands and kissed them. He waggled his eyebrows. “Not to mention that you were pretty easy on the eyes—still are. Actually, even more so now.” Luke finished off his latte. He set the empty cup on the ground so he could throw it away later and then stretched his now free hand across the back of the bench, around Noah. “I’ve got so much to plan before the move. I need to pack, register for classes, find a place to live…”

“You can live with me,” Noah quickly said. “My place is small, but maybe they’d let us switch to a one bedroom in the complex. The location is pretty good. You could walk to school.” He was talking a mile a minute, but Luke needed to stop him. Luke had other plans.

“Noah, I appreciate the offer—really.”

Noah let go of Luke’s hand. “There’s a ‘but’, isn’t there?” 

Luke hesitated. He hated disappointing Noah, but he’d thought long and hard about this scenario. Moving in together wouldn’t be right for them. It was still too soon. Luke was making progress, but he still had a ways to go. If he lived with Noah, he feared he’d undo all of the good he’s done so far.

Now to try to make Noah understand…

“Yes, there is,” Luke admitted.

“I thought we were good. I don’t understand. I—”

Luke placed a finger over Noah’s lips. “We are, Noah. We are so good. I don’t want to ruin it by rushing into living together again,” he explained as he took Noah’s hand. “For the first time in quite awhile I’m feeling good about myself and what I’ve accomplished. I’ve made my own happiness and haven’t relied on you or anyone else to make it for me. I need to stay on that path so I can be a better boyfriend to you.”

Noah’s lips curled upward. “Boyfriend. It’s so nice to hear that word coming from you again.”

“Feels good to say it.” Luke rubbed this thumb against Noah’s palm. “Once I finish getting my shit together, we can talk about living together again. I just need some time to keep working on myself. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to spend time with you. I plan on seeing you a lot.”

“You better, Snyder.” Noah gazed at him with so much love in his eyes that it made Luke ache. Sometimes he still felt he wasn’t worthy of it.

“I—” 

“Luke!” Katie exclaimed with a large smile, then her eyes fell upon Noah and their entwined hands. It quickly faded. “Noah. I…uh…”

Chris came up behind her, carrying Jacob in his arms. “Hello there. It’s good to see you guys.” He turned to Noah. “Aren’t you living in LA now?”

“I’m home for Christmas,” Noah said with a polite smile.

“It’s good to see you,” Chris replied. “And you too, Luke. I was sorry to hear that you quit the hospital board.”

“I can understand why you did, Luke,” Katie said, nodding her head knowingly. “Being at the hospital must have been difficult for you because of Reid.”

Luke could feel Noah’s hand tighten around his. He gave Noah a reassuring squeeze. “Working at the hospital just wasn’t for me. It never really was,” Luke diplomatically replied.

Katie seemed to be thrown for a loop by his response. She opened her mouth a couple of times before she finally blurted out, “Are you two back together?”

“Yes, we are.”

Katie gasped as if Luke had just announced he were a serial killer. “What about Reid?” 

“Katie, please don’t do this,” Chris intervened.

“No! I will do this! What about Reid?” Katie demanded. “He’s only been gone three months and you’ve already moved on!”

Luke could feel Noah tense next to him. He wished that Noah didn’t have to be there to witness this exchange. “I think Reid would have wanted to me get on with my life. He wasn’t one for sentiments.”

“You certainly didn’t waste any time,” she scoffed. “I thought you loved him.”

“Katie, come on,” Chris said, trying to lead her away, but she refused budge. 

“It’s okay,” Luke told him. “I know how close she was with Reid.”

“He was one of my best friends,” Katie said quietly. “I miss him so much. It’s hard to see you acting like he never existed.”

“Luke hasn’t forgotten Reid,” Noah spoke up much to Luke’s surprise. “Neither of us will. It was because of him that I’m able to see again.”

Luke was thankful Noah left out the part about Reid stealing him away from Noah. He wasn’t sure that he’d be able to remain so calm if he were in Noah’s shoes right now. 

“And you’re showing your gratitude by moving in on Reid’s boyfriend,” Katie countered.

“You’re not being fair to Luke and Noah,” Chris told her. “Luke has the right to move on and be happy, just like you did after Brad died.”

Katie’s hand flew to her mouth, eyes widening and filling with tears. Chris had struck a chord there. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have overreacted, especially since I know firsthand what you went through. You are entitled to your happiness.”

“It’s okay.” Luke let go of Noah’s hand so he could stand and give Katie a hug. “We’ve all been through a lot.”

Katie wiped her eyes. “I shouldn’t be surprised that you and Noah are back together.” She chuckled ruefully. “Reid won’t be either. He actually called you guys the gay Bob and Kim, said you two were destined to have a very long life together.”

“He actually said that?” Luke asked, looking from her to Noah, who looked just as surprised as he was at the moment.

“Yes, he did,” she replied. “It looks like he was right after all.”

“The gay Bob and Kim,” Chris laughed, shaking his head. “That’s one hell of a compliment if I ever heard one.”

“Certainly is.” Noah smiled. “I have just one question though. Which one of us is supposed to be Kim?”

“I’ll leave you two to figure that one out,” Katie said as Jacob started to get fussy. “We should get going. It’s almost time for Jacob’s nap.”

“It was good to see you guys,” Luke said. He gave Katie a quick hug and then Chris. “Take care of that heart,” he murmured.

“I will,” Chris promised. “Goodbye, Noah.”

Noah said goodbye and waved as Katie, Chris, and Jacob walked away. They were quickly swallowed up by the crowd. Luke was relieved that was over. Talk about awkward. 

“I’m sorry,” he said as he sat down next to Noah.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Noah brushed his hand against Luke’s cheek. “I don’t expect you to forget about Reid.”

“Still…it can’t be easy for you.”

“We’re together now which is all that matters— _Kim_.”

Luke cracked up. “How did _I_ end up the woman in this scenario?”

“Because you’re the most beautiful person I know,” Noah’s voice hitched.

“The same could be said about you.” Luke shook his head. “Let’s get out of here. I need to get you to the farm. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten phone calls demanding to know where you’re at. My family is just as excited to see you as I am. Ethan wants to show you his new Spider-man sneakers. Natalie is still holding out hope that you’ve met Justin Bieber since the last time you were in town. Grandma has already demanded our presence at the midnight service at her church tonight. And we both have presents to wrap.”

“There’s nothing like Christmas with your family.” 

Luke had to agree. This one might be the best yet.

********

Luke, dressed in his black suit, waited in his grandma’s kitchen for Noah to finish getting ready to go to church. Emma’s rules were still in effect so he couldn’t go up to check on him. He found this amusing since they were no longer teenagers, but he respected her wishes just the same. The house was uncharacteristically quiet. His father was over at Lily’s house, helping her get the kids ready and out the door since dealing with them could be like herding cats. His grandma was upstairs putting on her church- going finest, excited that her brood would be attending the service with her tonight. Although she’d never admit it aloud, Luke knew she loved showing off her family.

When the door to the stairs opened, Luke expected to see his grandma but was rewarded instead with Noah, looking breathtakingly handsome. His midnight blue suit fit perfectly. The only thing that was off was his tie, which was badly knotted and crooked to boot. 

“I can't believe that you are still completely hopeless with a tie.” Luke shook his head as Noah sauntered toward him.

“Good thing you’re not. Can you fix it for me?” Noah asked hopefully.

“Yeah…sure. I’m going to need to start over because there’s no saving this thing.” Luke chuckled as he reached up and untied Noah’s tie. Then his hands expertly went to work, tying the perfect Windsor knot. “Let me know if it’s too tight.”

“Okay,” Noah breathed.

He slid the tie into place and fixed Noah’s collar. “There. Perfect,” he murmured.

“Perfect.” Noah’s eyes smoldered with desire. 

Luke’s fingers slid through Noah’s hair as he drew him closer until their lips met. Noah lifted his mouth from Luke’s, eyes searching for the slightest bit of hesitance or regret. He wouldn’t find any there. Luke had been waiting for the ideal moment to kiss Noah. He pulled Noah back to him, Luke’s tongue eagerly slipping inside Noah’s mouth. Noah moaned into the kiss. Luke was transported back to that summer day 3 years ago when he shared the most perfect first kiss with Noah. 

Tonight it was happening again. This was their first kiss in their new beginning. Luke knew there would be many, many more to follow. 

“Wow,” Noah murmured. 

“Worth the wait?”

“Yes.”

Something hanging above them caught Luke’s eye. Mistletoe. “Look up,” he instructed.

“Mistletoe,” Noah chuckled.

“We have a way of finding ourselves under here.”

“We do.”

Luke caressed Noah’s face. Noah was even more handsome than he’d been three years ago. Gone was the awkward kid who was afraid of admitting that he was gay. In his place was a talented, confident, proud young man. “I’ve said it before and it’s still true—I’m so in love with you.”

“Same here.”

They kissed again, slow and sweet with the promise of more—a future together in California. Luke was looking forward to taking this next step with Noah. They’d been given another chance, which Luke vowed not to squander. Luke belonged with Noah. He always did and always will.


End file.
